Happy birthday fareha! May Allah bless u! always. bcause after all, u alreadi hd been blessed by having such sweet heart that hard to find. syg bangat sama kamu deh!
sempena birthday Meha yg suka giller tengok citer korea. yesterday,having 4 marathon korean movie non stop with zetty.how actually i realized i havent see any movies for years.2years perhaps.balas dendsm.
1. my boyfriend is type b - funny but not that funny. 2. a moment to remember - sgt best. almost cry but couldnt. tp sgt meaningful.sgt sweet. waaa..sgt best. mcm 50 1st date,one of my fav movie (i know,mcm lame btul fav movie,tp i only watch few movie aje)that girl had alzheimer's disease (actually i dont think alzheimer can be detect from mri. susah sikit laa-the doc should investigate further laa bcause dementia in younger age is rare.other causes need to be excluded)tp mybe nak pendekkn citer laa kut. 3. sad movie - this is sooo extreme sad. very good movie. almost cry. but couldnt. malu kat zt kut. seriusly. 4 different stories. about separation from the love ones. seriusly. mcm ala2 cerita cinta -but trust me,this film was really meaningful! melampau betul sedih dia. 4. he's cool - typical gangster youngster fall in love.bla bla.mcm cerita my tutor teacher. 5. seducing mr perfect- great. but a bit boring. bosan.typical man yg ego. bla bla.tp nasib baik pemuda tersebut hensem.
pemenang: a moment to remember. mesti tgk gak sad movie.
oh-meha. adakah ketelaluan untuk aku mdoakan untuk dikau mendapat jejaka yg secomel oreng korea dan juga yg romantik gitu2 eh? hehe. tanak yg ego kepala batu tue...at least lelaki dalam citer a moment to remember. at least. bukan jerk yg kunun2nye ego. because u're too sweet to be hurted.
zetty is coming home today. (actually supposedly tomorrow). she called aff "eh aff, et balik jumaat. tapi kalau korang 'perlukan' et. tlg buat surat. amek hari khamis pun takpe.."
and her brother fariz replied, "yah buat laa surat. cakap kitaorg memerlukan khidmat zt to pack her thing for vacation".
sangat lame. tu mcm orang gaji aje. but it's quite true. she's the only one in the family who is very very very organize. perhaps zt sedut semua genetic code from all of us. (note: aff nampak je organize.har har har). tapi zt ni best...ye ke?
last weekend. p sunway lagoon. susah nk enjoy rupanya kalau dalam diri tak berapa nak enjoy. actually i could even sleep while riding roller coster. gayat aku dah hilang. exam lebih mnakutkan. owh tidak. actually responsibility is even scarier. nak amek gambar pun, susah btul nak senyum... aku rasa aku je yg boleh sengih2 mcm kerang busuk ...yg mmg melampau aku p naik ajhackett. dapat half price. okay lah tue. tp dapat certificate of insanity. kurang ajar jugaklaaa. takdelah takut sgt walaupun the speeds laju giller- 120km/h in less than 2seconds. sebab takde sape nk naik dgn aku, aku naik dgn pekerja dia yg bjuta kali naik. Miss AZ suggest, "kalau buat macam bsanding best gak". (note utk zaa,shiena,atau nad.rosma pun boleh laa) panas terik g
Okay. sekarang lesson for today. aku geli hati btul. dendam manusia memang betul2 aneh. bersangka buruk adalah bukan sifat seorang muslim. kata2 kasar bukan sifat seorang muslim. kalau dalam alam web pun kau takleh tahan dari mnulis perkara2 yg buruk. dalam real life macane? aku tak cakap aku baik sgt. tapi seboleh2 jangan buat diri sendiri tu dalam posisi hati busuk.
nak tau ape yg paling aneh? sewaktu kita nak mgutuk orang.dalam sedar tak sedar,kita telah mjadi orang yg dikutuk.
plus sumpah manusia tak pernah termakbul.melainkan kuasa Tuhan. okay. katakan 'kau' perasan sumpah kau termakbul kerana dendam. puas hati dgn kekalahan orang? owh. terserlah sifat kau keji. mgapa kau tak doa supaya orang tersebut tersedar dari kesalahan? beristighfar dari sekarang.sesungguhnya Allah maha pgampun. dan maha pemurah.
that's it: i'm out dari kancah kutuk-mgutuk. agenda tuduh mnuduh tanpa disertai rasa bsangka baik sebagai seorang muslim mmg mbuatkn aku rasa jengkel.at least tu pgajaran buat aku gak.aku baru sedar..blajarlah tentang semua orang adalah istimewa. amek semua perkara yg baik. amek yg jernih dan buang yg keruh.that's work.
it's how u cerminkan diri sendiri. buruk kau pandang orang, buruklah mata hati kau sendiri. cuba ikut sifat2 Rasulullah. kena fitnah. kena keji pun, still maintain cool.
Hidup tidak selalunya indah Langit tak selalu cerah Suram malam tak berbintang Itulah lukisan alam (Begitu aturan Tuhan)
Jadilah rumput nan lemah lembut Tak luruh dipukul ribut Bagai karang di dasar lautan Tak terusik dilanda badai
Dalam suka hitunglah kesyukuranmu Dalam senang awasi kealfaanmu Setitis derita melanda Segunung kurniaanNya
Usah mengharapkan ke segalanya Dalam perjuangan penuh pengorbanan Usah dendam berpanjangan Maafkan kesalahan insan (Begitu ajaran Tuhan)
Hasbiallah, Hasbunallah HasbiRabbi jalallahu Ya Allah
Dalam diam taburkanlah baktimu Dalam tenang buangkanlah amarahmu Suburkanlah sifat sabar (Di) dalam jiwamu itu -------------------------------------------------
why everyone (except my family and my trusted friends) waiting so patiently for me to be depressed or give up?
i'm not. apparently. thank you.
I heard this song yesterday before i sleep.mcm best aje. mcm sesuai aje pujuk hati. bila pikir balik,tak de ape yg myedihkan tentang benda yg dah terjadi tapi rasa humilation. tue je. we tend to be oversensitive over small thing. things that other people cant really know because they'r not in our shoes. it's just painful and i just want to desensitization all the pain. is that wrong?
Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that."
[Volume 7, Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Book 70, Number 545]
and suddenly like some peole cant recognized me anymore. after years knowing.takpe. it's okay.it's always be okay... serahkan pada Allah. Aku tau aku tak sempurna. aku ada salah silapnya. wpun selalu selalu disalah erti. takpe. it can be either work of syaitan to make things worse or it's just us. yg baik datang dari Allah.
Hasbiallah, Hasbunallah HasbiRabbi jalallahu Ya Allah
saya akhiri karangan kali ini dgn ayat2 pmulaan dari the-fikr lagu kebangkitan
Jalan berliku terjarnya tebing curamnya jurang bukanlah sesuatu yg mngerikan yang paling mgerikan adalah kehilangan keberanian utk mharungi kehidupan
siapa yg berani keberanian dia harus mnikmati hirup liku kesulitan terjarnya masalah dalamnya kepiluan kerana dibalik itu, tersimpan hikmah yg dalam
bg pcari kebenaran knikmatitan adalah utk terus mcari mgharungi samudera khidupan.
aku mahu jadi seorang yang tabah dan berani. sku tahu betapa cacat celanya pada diri aku. lautan tak selalu tenang. cuaca tak selalu panas. aku tak mahu kehilangan gelak tawa aku sendiri. namun aku tetap mahu air mata ini mgalir bagi m'gingatkn aku tika lara.
bukan aku takut pada cemuhan manusia ciptaan Tuhan bukan aku serik pada ujian-ujian besar Tuhan Bukan aku soalkan tentang neraca keadilan milik Tuhan. bukan aku ngeri akan malapetaka Tuhan tapi aku gentar jika Tuhanku itu murka terhadapku.
aku takut pada diri aku sendiri yang melarikan diri dari Tuhan aku sendiri tanpa aku sendiri sedar.
berilah aku kepak untuk terbang. kerana kakiku sudah letih mgira langkah.
esok lusa, siapa tahu? kerja tuhan, siapa tahu?
Namun, senyuman di hati tak pernah luput. tak pernah lelah untuk diukir. selagi aku percaya kasih Tuhan pada hambaNya yg serba kekurangan ini tak pernah hilang walaupun dalam kabus.
dan dalam hidup ini, itulah saja yang aku mahukan!
"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu. Allah Mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui" ayat 216, Suroh Al-Baqoroh
my feeling is somehow mixed. sadness is not mine. but guilty. for not able to finished my degree and not able to serve my people. for not able to buy things for my family. for not able meet my lecturers' expectation.
itu je.
because in my mind. this pain is still bearable. to compare with those who spent years in the jail. to compare with traumatize wives with abusive husbands. to compare with my fellow brothers and sisters in Gaza Palestine for nearly 60 years to compare with those dx as cancer or other disable disease.
apalah sangat. dunia ni luas. kiralah nikmat Tuhan. kalau berani lah!
ehem! i dont want to sound very emos. but the sadness just cannot be avoided.
the funny (funniest perhaps) thing is my lecturer said it's bcz i drop my beg&i look clumsy.they failed me. apart from getting one of most malignant examiner&difficult patient for my short case. Yelah, i know i did mistakes. but taktawlah..my friends yang lepas pun ada gak wat salah tapi still lepas. rezeki masing-masing susah nak cakap deh!
no,they didnt consider at all.kedekut dgn 2markah plak tu.although i achieved 75% for long case from prof yap..the malignant lecturer also.. (yeah,i dunt like to appear stupid although sometime i'm stupid.i think) .
and i remained as a student for the next 6months.
i dunno i shud be glad or i shud be sad.but i really hope that stop giving me msg/testi/call just to ask for my result. i hate those yang pandai2 bg nasihat, "lain kali,u shud do this and that"... i really pissed off with 'toot' as if laa toot tu cemerlang sangat. u'r not in my foot. u dont know how exactly how it feel. nasi sudah jadi bubur. tak guna air mata. hehe
mungkin ini adalah ujian2 dari Tuhan tanda kasihNya... 19 people in 6 months. woah nearly 20% deh. i really believe Allah holds great plan for us. i mean, these 19 people are not pmalas type person. never missed class or naughty person. it's totally rubbish to reasoning why us. after all, kenapa ada yg ponteng kelas like hell, tak study langsung but still able to pass. but not us.
One of my friends, Miss AA, from Sabah. She's under ptptn. she had to struggle to pay the fees. She's 2 years senior. and both of her short and long case were difficult ones. plus malignant examiner. I know she's a good student. it's just not her luck. plus 3-4 friends of mine yang juga tak kena sponsor. like hell gak laa.. dalam 20 org tu, i think i'm the most pemalas but not to that bad extent laa kan..still rajin p kelas. additional bedside. still finish all those books. lunyai pun ada...p wad masa weekend..study groups.. mungkin ini kifarah dosa sendiri. sob sob. ada kot mulut myakitkn hati org. mgumpat org. cakap kasar...
tp Allah kan hanya mguji sesiapa yg Allah sayang?
i know. i still consider myself lucky. for having good social support. (although not like RK, having husband to comfort her..hehehe). friends. family. plus economically stable. and chances to learn more depth in medicine. nothing to regret. bcause simply i cannot regret what's has had happend.
maybe malu sikit. tapi bile pikir balik. bukannye aku bogel pun. haha. i told aff. mybe this is not hard to compare with yg digoda dgn perasan diri cantik lalu mjadi seksi lalu jadi org yg tak ingat Tuhan. eh, complicated tu. senang citer. betul lah ayat Alquran. dgn m'ingati Tuhan, hati mjadi tenang.
Tiada apa yang lebih baik dari apa yang telah berlaku!.
plus life is more than this. ada banyak lagi perkara penting.
to my junior. there's nothing to lose. i mean. i know, it's frustrating somehow. study like hell and the result is still like hell. I feel it too. My life; study, family, usrah, intnt. but no movie every week. no tv every day. no shopping. no dating. laghro tu takdelah sangat. sleepless night sometimes. no time for my own family. it's not fair. but life is indeed not fair. God is fair. jadik, study laa lagi. dont lose hope. i still believe the knowledge inside of me is adequate for me to pass but ..biarlah hidup mcabar sikit. apa salahnya?
to zaa + zead the labuan plan is still on. hehe. i'm sorry for ignore your msg/ym. yeah. need time for myself..i'm still kicking. and alive alhamdulillah. zaa... i still welkem u back to home this june. n i can always temankn u belikan barang2 kawen, main playground n gossiping with ur mum too..kita kan jiran?? hello, 6 months as a student lagi byk rilek dari jadik houseman (owh, sour grape...ngeh. kita kena bsyukur dgn ape yg kita ada kan?)
to mak. i love you, mak! =). sori takleh ganti gate rumah lagi... pakai lagi laa rantai basikal...greatest mum ever.
to aff. aku tau aku ada kakak yang orang lain idam2kan. tapi apa yang boleh buat. aku adik yang best, kan kan kan?
to et cool. jgn jadik pmalas mcm kakak kau. blajar dari ksilapan.
to those yg dah grad congrats. jgn malukan upm. lawak2 grad jgn sebut. jgn layan aku mcm kesian. aku tak suka org kesian kat aku... tp jgn laa layan aku mcm takde perasaan. hehe.
to those yg nak kawen ewah ewah....aku tetap mau datang..tp lawak2 grad, jgn sebut. sensitip!
to yg sama2 fail dgn aku i still think we'r not bad students..(tatawlaa kalau lecturers benci aku ke tak..tp wth). karang aku study mcm nk amek mrcp karang, nganga. hahaha. dont lose hope. dont lose faith (aku boleh laa ckp, sbb aku sama kapal! =p)..actually, i was quite busy mlayan my guests. aku p kidnapping them from kg baru, avoid other people. funny. my 4 guests were saying, "thankgod, u also failed zek. kalau tak, tak tau mana nak lari!". somehow, i know it's my pleasure also lah to make ppl happy.sbenarnya,jauh dalam sudut hati aku,aku bsyukur org2 best gak yg sekapal dgn aku.kalau budak2 busuk kaki ponteng kelas tu,aku risau gak lah!..
to meha n nani tetap aku datang pd. 6months of vacation katakan..mampus aku kalau lecturer aku tau. hahaha.
i got most malignant person as my examiner. i got an irritated young patient who's crying when I examined him. which made me more nervous. and i stumble for the next second case.
and i think i did well for my long case. Got an elderly chinese man who was heroin user, chronic smoker with past history of TB and now presented with COPD. and got lalalaa talking from TB, bronchietasis, copd, heroin, even HIV in 30minutes.
the truth is i feel so weak after the exam. i mean, i have been studying religiously for 5 years and my future had been tested for only 2hours. this is not fair. i dunno. because suddenly i feel like i was alone in the old boat with cruel storm and heavy rain.
and only God can help me. the result only revealed tmrw. i dunno how am i going to face it. if only my lecturers going to stand up for me. the only thing that i can do is to pray..
I know, 6months is not that cruel. it's not the end of the world yet. it's not a disease. it's not a cancer. but how am i going to find motivation and strength and build up my confident level again. ..i really hope not...
Tomolo is my big day. My final clinical examination as a medical student (hopefully! God provides) and everyone kept saying, "Eleh Zack, u hv been so lucky until now.. we know u can do it lah"
I really hope i can do it well. not as previously i did it so toyer lah due to lack of confident.plus knowledge too. but alhamdulillah i still able to pass until now.. 'Lucky' some might say as i'm one of the candidate for the laziest person ever (i think i had been highlighted this out in every entry..n i think this is the main reason sometimes i felt so stress out!) whateverlah.. I hope i always be lucky thru out my whole life, amin! =)
After all, most of us had already strive n studying like dead people, man! i dunt want to lose my faith!
Heard some bad news from monday n tuesday people.. some didnt make it. dammit.. why cant make it easier for us. be cool people. be very cool. and calm. tour par raison!
Allah, help us!
anyway missing zetoty so badly. gula-gula kapas warna hijau muda tu T_T.
U know,I felt very weird. i really hv bad memory about bad memories. I didnt learn from my stupid mistake about being hurtd by someone else all over and over again. that's why i'm cool even with the busuk hati bcause i'm simply a forgetful person..and i was wrong to assumed everyone like that too..why cant everyone just forgive and forget? why cant just push the reset button after scanning the bad files. Kan berat bawak benda yg busuk dalam hati tu.
The reason is so simple: Life is damn too short. Seize the day, my friends.. and rite now.. i felt so hurted. and let Allah be the best judge!
Ya Rabbi Forgive me. For all the sinsful act that i hv commit. As i hv no bad intention.
Kiah dunt want to be noty noty again and again. whatever path/act that i choose to take, i really hope it's going to take me to Allah.
owh. aku janji 10minit je nk update blog. hehe. tak sedar diri btul ada clinical xm this wednesday. yep, after 5 years in med skool, i just realized that i'm not a nerdie nerdie. ye lah, since i was in primary/secondary skool, aku ni kaki tido n kaki tiru homework (but not exam eh..except once utk pend. agama islam..pastu ustazah aku mgamuk,then sumpah dah tak berani!). n indeed, i'm much more famous being 'hypothyroidism' in class and 'hyperthryodism' outside the class. perhaps i hv ADHD. selalu kena tegur okay dgn lecturers.
seriusly, i promise if i able to pass this xm, i would khatam lagi the oxford handbo0k during the holiday bfore kena panggil jadik houseman!!!
taggie tag by cik lawyer alak:
5 presents for myself: 1) being a competent safe doctor by next week! insyallah!! amin!!! 2) lateral-vertical-horizontal genius brain. 3) an attitude like Nabi Muhammad s.a.w 4) money. 5) dikelilingi orang2 yg baik. hadiahkan tue?
5 reasons for the above: 1) seriusly, i know life's even worst after graduation but why delay the pain? 2) because i dont hv brain like that. i need Ritalin! 3) i am soo not perfect. far from perfect. sometimes, i'm tired with my mgada2, tak sedar diri.. i want to be like Rasulullah. sape tak nak okay? 4) so i can buy a car..myvy cukup le. beli cat utk cat rumah aku (rumah mak aku, i mean). tukar gate rumah aku. beli n tanam pokok. can give money to the poor people without worries. can go travel. bole beli hadiah org kawen. boleh sponsor org lain kawen, aku boleh tumpang gumbira...boleh belanja orang. i wont be soo kedekut/ungkit. boleh sponsor adik2 aku kereta/laptop/jam/whatever zt/yis need laaa.. boleh sponsor pelacur2 bukak kedai jual baju instead dorg jual maruah....okaylaa, i just need one training nike shoe for jogging...money is never everything, i know.it can never buy happiness like most people thought... 5) supaya dapat mgawasi knakalan aku. huhu
5 impression to the ones that I admire: 1) sincere... 2) dont judge books by its cover.although 1 know 1st impression tu penting deh. 3) brave - eg brave to say no to someone that he/she loves because inni-akhafullah!..brave to tegur someone's kesalah with penuh hikmah...brave to be himself/herself...brave to be different..brave to admit mistake. brave to be martyr! 4) org2 yg hafal alquran... 5) sifat2 Rasulullah laaa in short.
Best thing HE ever did for me: this whole life. angels around me. and all the protection that HE gave to me through out this life. and although i'm not perfect muslim, HE gave me thousand of chances to sedarkan diri ni yg tak seberapa...and i think the best thing HE ever did for me is to love me...i hope HE always do until the rest of my life..ameen!
5 greatest inventions: 1) mp3- for years bfore that, berat giller main badminton/jogging with walkman! 2) pda handphone. luv it! 3) bohler-braun skeletal traction. illizarov...ortho gadgets are sooo amazing!as prof Devnani pun superb! actually mmg superb medical invention. even cbd pun.har har har...atau cooper iucd/t-tube/ecg/abg yg celaka kuar exam haritue.. 4) vitagen. antibiotic. plus anti tb drugs...chemotherapy...i love paracetamol. painkillers..it give hopes. eh, tu invention ke discoveries? 5) music. owh...i enjoyed music soo much.
5 most hated: 1) org yg p disko. kejap pakai tudung.kejap bukak tudung. perempuan kompius. minum arak. kuar dgn laki. tak solat. bzina zini. argh..tension aku...then pura2 bcakap tentang agama... perempuan murahan- amek laki org. sanggup gadai dignity kerana cinta...hello, mana maruah diri? jangan le sgt desperate. jadik lah perempuan macho, kalau jejantas kata nak tinggal..pergi mampus laa..mereka yg rugi terhadap perempuan macho yg hot tsebut. aku bukannye baik sgt sbb tu aku stress. aku tataw nk tegur depa2 ni mcne. hati aku panaaaassss aje tgk dorg. karang aku tegur, mulalah kata aku dengki bla bla...adeh.panas. panas.belajaq agama lagi baguih dari aku..adeh..adeh.. 2) my toooooooooooooo lepak attitude.......mcm takde adrenaline rush. 3) my adipose tissue...nooooo, i love my lemaks. 4) when people spot how not-so-intelligent I am..dammit laaa.. 5) my mood swing. my pms. only people yg knl2rapat je tau how temper I am -esp my mom n aff...tp most of the people would say how cool i act..(actually not cool lah, blur!)
tag: 1. kak yaqeen yg tak abes2 dgn bunga2 (jeles okay!) 2. awla -currently so eppily doing elective in cucms. 3. wan jamie. rockers yg kiut sesangat! 4. fariz danial yg cool tersebut..hehehe. 5. samirah yg dah jadik dr sam. hehehe..
Most of us (half of us) was crying silently during the second paper after hearing that news. I really dont know how Sidqi can act soo cool. He still able to smile although there was tears falling from his face. He went back to Kedah yesterday by flight..and tentively he had to go for MEQ today (aku rasa uni kadang2 ni a bit jahat..alasan sakit/kematian mmg takde toleransi btul).
God, help him...let him be strong!
and tazkirah for myself:we dont know what we got until it's gone!
aku cilok akak aku py posting aaahhh..haha..tak study utk meq lagi deh!
To Sidqi's dear mother.
The first and the last time I met her was at her house in Alor Star, two months ago when we visited her at her home in Alor Star. She was about to start with her chemotherapy session the day after our visit, and if no one told me she was ill, I would'nt suspect any of it: she was jovial and beyond calm.
Though during the visit she was 'full' of life, making meals for her visitors not once, but 7 times a day, my sister told me that before she was diagnosed with the big C, she was quite a different person.
The person that I met was a happy and funny mother to three obedient sons. SS, a friend of mine, who had the chance of meeting her, said she's one of the most contented persons she have ever met. She reminds me of my mother, of all loving mothers who cares nothing but for her children.
I still remember what she said: "when you know you're about to die, you'll appreciate life more." Never did i suspect that she knew her time was coming. Everyone was positive that she's going to be alright.
But as my sister updated to me, her illness had only worsened in few months. The image of her in memory seems to betray the truth: I only can picture her smile.
Today, my sister texted me to tell that Auntie had just passed away.
Al-fatihah. Sidqi, your loss is felt and I pray that Auntie will be placed amongst the Muqarabeen. Ameen.
btw tgkle kumbang aku dah kat bawah posting nie...soalan mcq semalam mcm maut py susah aaa gila aaa..aku tataw le nak cakap ape deh..aku rasa boleh jawab part paeds aje. ortho boleh aaa thn, soalan logik...o+g mcm hancus gak soalan kurang ajar padahal dlm byk2 posting, O+g lecturers plg rajin ms kat kajang dulu. medicine tak payah ckp laaa, mmg guna pgetahuan masa preclinical ajelah. surgery pun..adeh..psychiatric..adeh..mmg semput le...mmg guna long term memory..kwn2 aku pun bpeluh2 jwb soalan.hari ni meq aku taktaule.harap2 okay laa..doa2kan lah!
uh-oh. people used to meet me would said, "u'r the one of the weirdest people i hd ever met".
dan aku digelar "makhluk aneh, jgn ditegur" time p sabah 2thn lepas.
ape nie..ni yg rasa depersonalization ni. haha.otak tak btul,bontot sengal p revision kelas 8pagi smp 6ptg..mcm biasa,aku kena narcolepsy..memang aneh,aku skrg dah euphoric. elevated mood (tp aku tetap tak mgaku hypomanic atau manic pun..kgumbiraan aku adalah pilihan aku sendiri.sbb aku dah tak larat nk stress stress tgk byk byk byk giller giller giller buku yg aku tak abes bc. tatawlaaa mcne aku nk xm next week..tp aku seriusly tak larat deh nk study lagi. jerawat pun mletup2...tlg laa,houseman pun 2thn,kasik laa aku chance weih.
nk tau ape yg mbuatkan kita happy? jadi diri sendiri. buat pilihan sendiri.dan kata org yg mn2 utk pbaiki diri kita sendiri stakat yg mampu, amek...yg kata org yg sgt mcerca, BUANG AJE. eleh,kalau org yg mgata tu bagus sgt,np tak pun.hahahahaha..tak payah nk meet expectation org. let's loose. yg penting kita kena berjasa. tu yg plg penting. tak guna keta bmw, jam rolex, muka licin, bdn slim tapi hati takde eppi.
gmbira tu pilihn. jd pilihlah kgumbiraan.. hidup mesti gum gum gum gum gum biraaaa!
yep,i think i cannot be a pontianak at last. need enough sleep for my brain. Thankful gak laa my uni provide about 6weeks of revision week but then pity them for having such pemalas student like me laa kan. Mr Kwan pun nasihat kena cukup tidur 7jam sehari..aku ikut nasihat dia(yg tu ikut, tapi bab study..haahhahahahahah..kantoi!)
Last week sibuk dgn revision kelas nearly everyday. plus dgn 2 study grup. intensive. dammit,mmg otak social-animal betul lah, i really cant study alone..hehe..baru masuk sikit..tp kesian gak laa kat study group aku asek ada endless ketawa-ketawa dan ketawa.. i should be badut instead of a doctor laa.huhu
Waaa, aku suka prof ortho aku tue... dia tu kelakar tahap king dan dia mgajar bersungguh2. Idola baru aku seriusly! hehe. walaupun kena," why are you looking like that? like paralysis chicken?".."hey lamp post, answer my low IQ questions!".. diakhir kelas,"let's commit suicide together"..dia best tahap king! best-best. at least ortho lecturers mgajar bersungguh2 gak laa nk myelamatkan anak muridnya yg terkapai2. dari majority kitaorg takut giller dgn medicine yg mcm hancur giller.
Prof meah yang baru selamat buat angiogram pun datang bagi briefing, respek giller2 deh depa ni..umur dah 70-80lebey pun ada kudrat nak p buat teaching lagi..Prof myint tun pun macho gak..kalau boleh nak suruh hafal satu buku bailey n love laa kan. Kat akhir kelas,dia nasihat, "u malaysian people are soo lucky. please remember that.if u think u'r stress, please remember that malaysia is the luckiest country in south east asia to compare with my country in Mymmar.. (aku tkedu actually)"
I am now free of my moody emosional state..no point at all, being sad and stress about small small things. lagi2 sebab exam...tapi permasalahn pulak ,orang tgk aku terlalu rileks. ape nak jadi, jadiklaa...aku rasa aku sukakan diri aku yg eppi meppi tanpa pedulikkn apa org nak cakap, apa yang aku tau, aku tak nak buat dosa. tu je yg penting! hehe!Dr nazri cakap 16mei ni dah tertulis pun sape yg lepas dan sape tak lepas di Luh Mahfuz. jadik tak jadik, lambat atau tidak..insyallah akan jadik doktor. aku nak jadik org yg berani mghadapi apa2 jua pun keadaan..tapi aku mestila
Lecturers aku ni macam malaikat laa..
Let's pray for upm medical student 100% passing rate. wpun ada ura kata wajib 10% fail! jomle, aku tau lecturers pun sangat tak larat nak handle student yg pmalas mcm aku nie, might as well pass me in the exam!
Aku & fieza...jln2 di trolak buat perangai
Doakan gak pada kawan baik aku Fieza Ariff sbb dia kena acute PID (mind u, it's not pelvic inflammatory disease but Prolapse Intervebral Disc). She's a known case of PID since a year ago, done operation, discectomy. Dulu L5-S1 disc yg affect, sekarang ni part L4-L5. pity her, nnt exam pun dia kena naik wheelchair,sbb sakit giller..wpun skrg lecturers aku tgh bincang boleh ke tak dia amek xm dgn keadaan dia yg mcm tue ..lagi2 time osce tu mcm kena gerak, plus ada praktical laa, kot2 kena buat cpr ke, nak buat short case? kalau kes ortho tak ke naya....dia ada neulogical deficit, loss of sensory over lateral side of the leg, weakness of dorsiflex..jalan pun slow2. Dia duk ulang, "mcane aku nak amek xm, macamne aku nak keja houseman karang".. takpe, acute PID tu, once dia dapat enough bed rest, insyallah okay laa tue..doa-doakan laa dia eh...i hvnt get the chance to visit her laa,takde keta. masa pun takde pun actually. waa, kalau tak mesti aku boleh kacau dia every night kat sebelah bilik aku...aku sedey giller. i mean, dia tu best friend aku masa first time aku jejak kaki kat upm.nyanyi sama2 masa tanam pokok, p sabah sama2, masuk kelas lambat2 time preclincal years, study kat blok C sama2, sama2 sesat cari klcc masa muda2 dulu, main kejar2 tgh malam, main rollerblade sama2, buat keja giller sama2, mkn keropok lekor sama, org 1st kasi semgt aku utk jadik perempuan (masih tak bjaya!)shopping sama2. otak pun sama2 sengal. hati dia baik giller dan sangat innocent. Dia special bg aku sbb dia slalu tak tau nk judge org mcne. aku syg giller kat minah nie. skrg tak rapat sgt sbb dia bukan sama kump sama dgn aku, tapi still kitaorg kalau jumpa 'update' masing2 mcm tak cukup jam aje. waaa, aku asek nk nangis je bile teringat kat dia...Fieza, kau jahat buat aku nangis...cepat2laa sihat. i am praying for the miracle.because u'r my miracle friends.
Nurul akmal, usrah mate aku gak.. pun baru je discharge dari wad sebab dengue haemorhagic fever. a week duk kat dalam wad. alhamdulillah, sekarang dah sihat.Aku sangat terasa seolah2 tercubit peha kanan, terasa peha kiri... sorg lagi member chinese aku, arap2 lepas eventhough dgr citer kena tahan sbb tak datang kelas sebab ada necrotising fasciitis (dia ada DM-type 1). waa..tak syok betul lah bila batch mate tak lulus xm sama2. tak kira. walaupun a bit impossible. sorg kena tahan exam sbb tak complete forensic posting. sorg dengar citer kena tahan sbb kena depression..adeh macam-macam laa mak enon.
Uni lain mcm semua dah habes xm. majority 10% failing rate.,,yg dah pass tue, dah boleh enjoy menjoy sambil hantar msg kgembiraan mgajak aku keluar. panas sungguh..huhu..
Ape-ape pun. wish me luck laa exam kali nie.
Fanamenon
Happy birthday to Farhana Muhammad mohaidin(budak pandai ni,cikgu geng 5 aku ni) dan Izeharudin Abd Mutalib (classmate aku yg plg cool dulu,skrg dah jd seorg engineer tnb yg berjaya..kau jgn kene letric shock sudah, 3rd degree burn tue!) on 23 april 2008. hadiah? lepas exam..dan juga pada naqibah daku yg sangat pyabar.. Dr Nurul Yaqeen Mohd Esa yang selamat di Durian Belanda dgn 2 anaknya yg comel dan suaminya on 19 april 2008.
wuik, korg bertiga share quite same personality. pyabar. hehehe. May Allah bless these special people!
Betulah. i dont mind being single as i thought...as long as my angels are around me (plus healthy & happy too), i am euphoric enough! God..bless us...i know it's not something yg boleh ditukar2. to me, my family and friends are also a taste from heaven. i think i am getting bored with being single issue, look..i am happy the way i am. pls dont make me feel i am empty or alien just because i dont hv one...to me,i let Allah to decide. I love my family and friends so dearly. until i know somewhat i'm too pre-occupied with them.
i am soo damn enjoying my angels around me.
okaylaa, kiah hv too study. byk giller nak cover...sabar sabar..1 week only. dunt crack under pressure!
For most local uni in Malaysia, usually our professional xm is quite similar. 1long case and 3 short case. plus mcq, meq and osqe. stress tak stress? sape tak stress, okay! macam2 cerita aku dengar-ada yg kena panic attack, ada yg kena admit wad, ada yg kena amek anti-depression...huhu,ada yg aku dgr citer dah commit suicide dah pun..hahaha...tapi aku still okay kut,just easily hypersensitive sikit-sikit aje...sape yg tak stress time xm besau ni, mybe kena refer to psychiatric sbb abnormal, avolition kut...haha
Long case defined as u hv to clerk full history, buat physical examination for an hour then present to 3examiner then those 3 people can asked anything under the sun for half an hour -ni yg stress giller bcause any case pun boleh, namely orthopedic,surgery,medicine,paediatric,obs n gynae and psychiatric too!). sure lah, 6 different specialist ada different method in taking history. and the student pun tak tau laa ape yg dia dapat. then short case when u only hv 10min to show off the showmanship and confident in front of the 3examiner the skill of examine the patient. any case pun boleh dapat except psychiatric laa-kau giller ke ape, mana boleh spot diagnosis org tu mereng ke tak!!!
satu cerita kelakar during pro xm -i dunno which uni lah tp uni yg dah abes xm:
THe chief complain was back pain for a year. then the student pun innocently clerk mcm orthopedic py style, kat mana,radiate to where, intensity of pain, any occupation related? bla bla bla...after an hour, examiner tu dengar aje dgn seiklas yg mungkin..then after presented untol history of presenting illness. examiner asked the student,
"did u asked the patient why he had the back pain for a year?".
The student pun tried laa tu answer, it might be idiopathic, perhaps prolapse intervetebral disk? something pathological lah...
"No, please ask the patient again for half an hour more." the examiner insist.
The patient's answer was: "Ultraman yang cucuk saya, sebab tu saya sakit belakang"
dang! kena wat Mental state examination (which the doctor dont usually asked if he think u'r still sane. podah... ) -------------
pyebab orang sakit belakang!! berhati2..dia mampu mbuat anda sakit!!
Prof brian suruh kitaorg baca buku ni, but until now tak carik2 sbb kaplan or oxford psychiatric pun aku tak abes2 baca..nnt lps xm laa kut.hahaha. everything has reaction. mybe people can go beyond their own mind... that's explain why sometimes people can be very very jerk amek hak2 orang lain, marah2 orang lain, sgt self fish and everything bila terdesak...eventhough orang2 tersbut adalah normal pada pikirannnya! Human is still a human. not a robot. ----------------- akhlak
Islam kan dah ajar. Akhlak is something that knee-jerk, sifat tanpa perlu berfikir. Nak tgk akhlak sesorg tu time dia tengah marah.
Akhlak ketika terlanggar orang "ops,saya mintak maaf" atau "oi, buta ke ape?". Akhlak ketika mmohon pertolongn, "boleh tak kalau saya mintak tolong..." atau "saya nak awak buat ....". Akhlak ketika orang tegur/nasihat, "Okay, saya mintak maaf diatas kesalahan saya,...." atau "Kau peduli ape dgn hidup aku, suka ati aku laa..kau tu mcm le bagus sangat!"
Jadi, i think no matter what actually, as a muslim, akhlak kena tip top kalau dapat maintain 'kewarasan' terhadap ingatan pada Tuhannya..to me,whatever it is, yes..kita semua ada perasaan..tapi buang jauh2 yg tak relevan tu.
akhirat kan ada.apa nak bising2...
easy to say than done eh? tak cakap pun senang..tapi ...kalau dalam otak tu duk cakap susah, memangle jadik susah...bolehlaa kalau nak salahkan itu ini keadaan cuaca hujan panas ribut, tapi at last sape yg untung?...ingatan pada diri yg emos emos.hehehe..sgt le perempuan!
----------------------- Topik wajib dihafal:
1. schizophrenia dan rakan2 2. Bipolar disorder 3. Depression 4. Panic disorder.ocd.bla bla bla 5. adjustment disorder
seriusly, aku tak abes lagi baca...i dunt want to sound too academic actually.............waaaaaa~whatever it is..i hope i dont crack under pressure laaa..as my friends often waited: bila hang nak stress nie? okay, skrg saksikan...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......tlg tlg..kemaruk nak lulus xm..tapi masih bermalas2 (premorbid personality!),..terasa seperti...kemaruk nak masuk syurga, tapi masih bersetan-setan (gulp!)..inilah orang tak sedar diri....alamak, one day nk revise psychiatric pun tak cukup..belasah ajelah..waaa...bgamne ini?? buku2 yg tak begitu tebal.
I really thought my life is lagi mahal aaa...sejuta je? aku ingat dia nak tulis : tak boleh dinilai ke...
okay, okay, i am so sorry...kena marah this period of time really make me feel so mad.lagi2 hal yang kacau pride aku. mybe aku ni ego sangat. perhaps perhaps.
Sleep deprivation can cause epilepsy. others might get migraine. I got neither one but mood swing, easily irritate. How i wish I am perfect..,i dunno how am i gonna work next 3-4months with my emotional hijacking. Maybe i should go a bit far away so i wont hurt someone that i actually love.
Dammit, i still hv lots things to learn.. I really dunno how am i gonna to pass my pro xm III this time. Gotta be strong. but i know how i feel so myesal for not having serius mind and definately not hardworking attitude...
Well, apparently... i start to think how weird, abnormal and atypical human being I am after i figure out i am way too different with my friends.the way of my very simple thinking and laid back attitude... I wish i could feel special rather than a difficult person. I know life is not a matter of simple equation of mathematic. It doesnt apply easily like that. It's not penakulan mantik. it's not 1+1=2. ..
I am an impulsive person. I dont read motivation book to build rapport with other people. I dont hv any hidden agenda when i talk with anyone else. Plus, i am not out for praise anyway. I dunt care what you-you-you think about me. what do i really know, i want to live to fullest. to live in lively life
it's still hurts when someone point out your mistake and making you start to think there's no way out and wishing that you could reboot and restart your life. How you start to wish you have seriusly perfect mind. Because when we have perfect mind, perfect attitude..we'll be able to survive.even in stupid-cold-imperfect life.
No, i never commit big-big mistakes. except for yesterday when my prof said twice how I confused when I answer his questions. I really hate to appeared so stupid but i really hv short span attention. Okay, i also begin to feel fed up with my stupid emotional phase. and aku pun dah muak dgn isi2 blog ni tak abes citer pasal diri aku sendiri. sgt self-centered btul. i'm getting bored. but i start to think, this small matter pun tak boleh handle, benda2 lagi besar? How i wish i hv steel heart. Macam robot ke, at least i dunt hv this stupid emos. be patient
Well, life is indeed not perfect. but it's fair. I shall control my temper and emotional. But trust me, when u have difficult emotional -the heart of atypical-abnormal-alien heart that u urself d0 not understand yourself,it's harder than u could even think until to some extent, you will rather not to bother about it anymore perhaps..
Your EQ is 140
You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
You are warm and open. Even when life gets you down, you're unafraid of the world and its challenges.Your emotions aren't always stable, but you can go along with the ups and downs pretty well. You are comfortable with who you are. And you accept your weaknesses - as well as the weaknesses of others.
While you are quite stable, you don't respond perfectly to every bad situation that comes up. But you have enough emotional intelligence to know when you need a course correction.
yang ni aku pelik.aku jawab seiklas yang mungkin..tapi part: i dont respond perfectly to every bad situation that comes up" ..tu mmg betul kut... huhu
This is my blog. it's up to me to write anything, including my misery. Kan dah cakap...pontianak mmg marah kalau dihalang untuk buat apa yang dia suka. plus, it's only took me 15minutes to write to ease my misery,not so much of time to compare with 2-3hours of crying-talking-counselling. i think blog helps!
Siapa yang terbaik diantara kita semua? Dan kenapa semua orang berlumba2 untuk merasakan dirinya lebih baik dari orang lain. Mgutuk mgeji satu sama lain. Stress aku. Lepak laaa...
"I know the fact that I might not the brightest star but i really hope I never fail to glow in the dark no matter what-zackyun"
Hoho-merepek aku smp dpt jumpa Encik Faisal tehrani. ^_^
After settle bab handphone aku kat Low Yat with Fit n Jolie yesterday. Meha called me meet her in PWTC, Pesta buku. Dgn kgilaan aku, aku pun jln kaki dari chow kit ke pwtc. Ja'a, No'in and Nani pun ada. Biasalah, aku borong 5buku. 2buku Faisal Tehrani (wuik,aku dah ada full collection rupanya!) and 3 buku sajak Isa Kamari. Actually, I wanted to find 1st book Saiful Islam but dah pokai beli 5buku. Haha, dapat diskaun smp rm40+ tu cukup puas hati gak aaa... Then rupa2nya ada encik Faisal tehrani kat booth tu gak, melompat2 laa aku nak amek gmbr. Aku kan peminat no 1 dia. Sampai aku tak heran pun ada Syeikh Muzafar kat situ mahupun hero remaja.
Aku tataw nape meha time ni buat muka. sayang korang dua. hehe. dan dgn bjayanya aku pun balik rumah selepas tu dan tidak study smp skrg. Gila btul lah aku ni.. mcm tak beringat aku nak kena study. Aku kena study macam pontianak laaa lepas ni utk sebulan lagi. waa, i think i dah gemuk balik after for quite some times classmate aku duk soal siasat mcne aku boleh 'nmpk kurus' (berat tak turun pun). Sabar2.
And A purse. Kena tag dgn aff pasal ape dalam purse/wallet. Okay. Semalam masa tgh beratur utk nk draw duit kat the mall ada one arabic guy yg ty pasal handphone aku (nokia cikai yg retak dan takde mms tu-aku tanpa segan2 ckp hphone tu harga rm100 aje deh). Aku suspicious dia mcm nk 'pukau' (skrg kan kes2 mcm tu byk).but dia mcm tkedu lps tgk uncang dompet aku. Muka dia brubah,msti tak jd.haha. apa ada dlm dompet aku.simple giller. 1. IC -yg dah patah tepi sbb tmasuk dlm mesin basuh.Ari 2. Lesen mmandu (yeay untul 2010) 3. Great Eastern medical card. 4. Touch n Go - tinggal rm1.20, dah lama tak top up 5. 4 atm cards - padahal 3 tu dah kempis dalam bank. 6. 2 gmbr passport time kecik. 7. 2 gmbr utk buku log book (emergency picture) 8. Beberapa not duit. I'm a choosy impulsive buyer. I took hours before i decide to buy but when i want it, it means i really want it. I can spend an hour in the shop until at last i decide tak nak beli. But if i want it, within few second i'll be at the counter paying allready. 9. My 2 hostel keys in kg br and serdang. Easy eh.
tue je? haha. i am soo damn simple. org lain je yg difficult to understand how simple I am. Plus actually, i dunt really mind looking tak ellegent langsung. i bought that uncang yg sgt tak fashionable tu only rm5 at UIA convo back few years. no, i dont need a new one eventhough Amy gave me purse milk teddy dan geng5 dah kasik aku purse nike... I am so comfortable.
tag sape? wan maryam kut..
Hey cepatlaa pontianak, study Pontianak yang hypersensitive dan suka terbang2. Haha. Suka ati laa aku nak rasa ape.
My desktop pic.comelkan semua org.nmpk sgt gumbira.eventhough takde aku dalam gmbar tu.
Hikmah kembara-mirwana Di sini kau berdiri berpijak di bumi menjunjung langit yang luas Pernahkah kau berfikir alam penuh rahsia anugerah yang maha esa
(CHORUS) Berjalan,bermusafirlah melihat kebesaran tuhan yang diciptakan untuk mereka yang berfikir dan bersyukur di atas nikmat dan kurnianya nilai harganya,iman dan taqwa bagi hamba yang setia
Tiada beza warna,kulit atau rupa yang ada hanya insan yang lemah dengan satu tujuan mencari keredhaan dan berbudi di bumi tuhan
Fikirkanlah..dimana arah kita Renungilah..hikmah kembara menuju kasih buktikan cinta kita.. kepadanya.. ini kembara kita
Berjalan dan bermusafirlah untuk melihat kebesarannya lantas berfikir dan bersyukur diatas nikmat dan kurnianya nilai harganya iman dan taqwa bagi hamba yag setia
Everyear mesti ada lagu tema. masa pro xm1, 2nd year lagu jac gemilang.tu lagu geng 5org yg lain peel.pastu byk lagu but i really cant remember.but my all time faveret song: hikmah kembara.
Hoho-meremang bulu roma aku each time i heard this song.ini pun lagu semangat aku since 3rd year lagi. why?sebab aku memang kaki jalan.dan aku suka berangan jadi traveler. Jeles giller Imah n her geng buat elective kat Dundee. but anyhow,sbnye aku dah berangan nak p bcuti kalau lps xm.hehe.woah.aku tak redi siot nk xm.kak afra htr msg ajak p mjls tunang dia sabtu nie.congrats.tapi kan,macam la aku bole poie eh!waaa...malas giller.ulang alik dari kajang to kg baru ni takdelaa penat sgt.tp mcm otak rasa hectic giler (dasar pelajar yg malas!).
Someone told me about JINX. seriusly, aku tak percaya regardless aku hilang/rosakkn/tak dapat barang. I told him, it's just a test. TUHAN ITU MAHA ADIL!Dan tuhan itu TAK KEJAM! test of our own faith. whether do we attach our heart to this world or not. Life is all about test. and we all can control our own life. .be patient, Allah sentiasa ada plan yg superb utk kita.
Mcm aku tpikir my 'beautiful' muslim friends yg jadik 'tak berapa bijak' p kelab malam,free hair,tak solat,pakai seksi,hanging out with men, adultery and kata this is my life..then up end with HUGE problem (like getting pregnant,std)..Ni jenis ujian kesabaran pertama:sabar mninggalkan hawa nafsu.. . Tapi Nape dorg pikir dorg layak mgambil ujian 'HUGE problem' tersebut dgn langgar perintah Tuhan like that even dorg tau dorg fail dari awal? Like what happend to Sufiah,dat whizz kid became a prostitute. I dunno what had happend to her personally. But I mean, Allah hanya mguji org yg layak mnerima ujian. Bukan kah gitu? we all should believe that we all able to pass 100% until proven otherwise. We all able to say NO to failure!even we fall and stumble, Allah still loves us so dearly.why should we go against HIM?
and pls laa malaysia.oit malaysia people! tgk aje kat SEMUA ipta/s,kita semua ada masalah besar sebegini.tak kiralaa course ape pun amek. (note:aku kan mmg suka kawan dgn semua golongn org tak kira kos,jadik byk cerita aku dah dgr). TOLONGLAA IBU BAPA YANG ADA ANAK2 BELAJAR JAUH2,JADILAH SEORG YANG SUSPICIOUS DAN RISAU LAA PASAL ANAK. (hehe-tp aku tak pernah khianat my parent's trust.tp skrg mcm mak dah risau aku takde kawan rapat laki.hehehe-it's a bliss ape!). I consider myself lucky for being not attractive and hardly to be attract anyone else. i found it is damn hard to trust man. Lagi2 tgk how my friends stumble to this kinda exam. Part tu mmg aku tak berani,tapi part lain..berani aa...
Someone also told me,that i am such daredevil,berani giller. but what people doesnt know how my kgugupan. esp in exam (yeay, i dont like things yang akan confirm my stupidity!) I know i'll fumble whenever i'm nervous. and when i'm nervous,it's means i dont hv much confident due to lack of knowledge etc.and really, i cannot lie. Alisa told me, "hey,tu mnujukkn kau tak hipokrit dlm exam" hello,sepuk kang. it shows how weak I am!
what i really can say,tgk gak laa. i am not afraid doing the dangerous thing all over again if i have very good intention.eg going travel alone. because i am strongly believe that Allah protects me. protects us.from danger.if NOT,there's must always hv something good awaits for us insyallah.just be patient.
if not here,maybe in hereafter. only if we have good intention. why should we be afraid? Oh Allah, protect us. from things that YOU hate.
anyway...tau tak.kita mmg selalu dapat apa yg kita nak,kadang2 lebih dari apa yg kita mintak malah apa yg diperlukan,cuma kenapa masih tak bsyukur?hati buta ke?huhu
My lil sister zetty yg edit this pic.haha.muka sgt kerek.kah kah kah
i am so last minute student.
skrg baru laa mcm nak beli bateri dan go around checking ppl's eyes with funduscopy.bpinar mata semua org!skrg baru laa dah letih2 pun still wat study group with nani,yana & izny (totally new people bcause grup lama mcm dah lama aku pujuk tp they refused laa.tatawlaa).
then,ada mslh with politik fakulti aku pulak.malas giller nk layan.nk je aku ckp,jgn libatkn aku pls!i hope not laa..i am way too desprete to get my MD degree rite now.but i think okay kut,Allah provides insyallah
Mcne aku nak abeskan 5years of my learning years n compact it into 3-4weeks of this revision week? Mr kwan cakap, more than enough. Dia suruh tanamkan dlm otak :100% pass until proven otherwise. woah,padahal time dulu dia asek ckp "so hopeless laa this student"..rupanya dia nak kasik semangat..kagum kagum!
Congrats laa kat shima,jihan,shake,azwa azween,marami,fatimah *rcmp kiddo's plus shawn,wani ganas,wani bear,kuchah, zakiah,sai,siti... ukm's kiddo (yg lupa nama pun ada gak laa). and those yg ada delay success (eg awie yg kena bar xm bcz having active stage of infectious disease-but then she still able to get married this June aa gak laa),be patient.be very patient!...
like me laa..be very patient until i realized i should be studying laa kan skrg...waaa~.bukan study last minute.it's sooo me..
alhamdulillah,at last i realized how beauty is being patient.esp when someone marah2 u but then stil able to act cool..i'm trying to be baik.i tanak jadi budak jahat+nakal lagi!but then i know how hard pura2 jadik baik.haha..funny how my 'other side' of friend mcm pelik giller when ppl gave trust to me (dia rasa aku jahat kut)n siap ckp, "u know,sometime u dont hv to say/act as if u'r THAT good"..huhu,padahal personally i thought i always talk rubbish & kantoi kjahatn aku. plus i believe action talks louder than speech. i dunt pura2.sbb tu dia kompius kut.ntah.what the heck..yg lagi kelakar,ada budak uia tu siap tkejut time jumpa aku dan dlm keadaan tanda seruan, "eh,kak zakiah,nape dah tak jadi alim?"..since when aku ni alim? uhuk! i mean,i always like this.i mean,ada laa benda yg aku nyesal like wearing yg cukup2 makan,cukup syarat. aku tau,ramai syg aku.bila pakai even sekali dua tudung bawal/kecik sikit,like akan ada few people akan came forward n tegur not to do that again.aku tak marah,aku ni manusia.tlupa,i need that!..kadang2 tu ada laa rasa nk bgaya sikit,tp bila pkir balik,..utk apa? i always welkem comments actually. bcause i'm so scared watching how some people around me change into some monster yg hidup hedonisme.these monster reluctant to hear advice or nasihat.scary giller.
However, the most beautiful thing in this world is when we able to see the good things about others (wpun hy mybe 1% je kbaiknnya)..it's soo damn beautiful to appreaciate people laa! i felt like smiling around the clock!itu kan tanda kbesaran Tuhan?
btw,one of my senior chinese yg convert muslim,abg git (yg kawen with my senior gak) kak ida dah dapat one baby boy..dia namakan anaknya 'adam git'..cool deh,skrg panggil aku zack kit siang. Zack Ka ting. Cheong Zarina ke. Kwan Kiah leong.mcm cool kan?haha.seriusly! congrats kat sharifah (junior)& abg bazli (senior) pun dapat baby girl gak...
My storyline of my life.up and down. after thinking all over again. I feel really weird. Why am I too sensitive to the things yang org lain tak sensitive langsung?and why i could not feel anything to those things yang usually org sgt sensitive?different,like when i feel like letting go my things rosak semua.
when suddenly i was wandering how Rasulullah swt felt when he lost his father,mother and his favourite grandfather when he was small.and how Allah want him to learn not to attach his heart to this immortal world. How often me myself stumble and accidently attach to this immortal world,and Allah would snap me out of it,being manusia yg still banyak cekadak,ada aje songeh!.Begitu sedikit manusia yang bersyukur!
What is my reaction if happen someone is mcerca aku after good deeds I've done to him? Is it what would Rasulullah swt react? Rasulullah swt did not stop doing good deeds although terang-tang-tang kena baling sampah,ejek,buli and so on!yep,i realized i really hate the bad mouth.seriusly.it made things worse!padahal disaster takdela teruk sgt.huhu!
Hey,ini dunia sementara,nape nak sedih?
Everything would be okay. it's quite true. as our life havent end yet. it's still in the middle of our storyline! our own reality tv,our not-hypocrisy act.real life man! and even our life dah takde pun,akhirat kan ada. Yang jahat dapat balasan. Yang baik dapat balasan . Dua-dua setimpal.walau sebesar zarah pun! dah tu nape still nak 'balas dendam!!'
Ada snack view lagi citer box office.cerita kita.citer tentang kebenaran di Padang Masyar.semua rahsia terbongkar.aada citer balasan bagi org yang suka mgumpat (ouchie), ada citer macamne ada org boleh skip sirratulmustaqim seperti 7helai rambut yg dibelah.ada citer macam-macam.
Ada citer tentang Rasulullah still protect us,dan kita masih menjadi umat yg diberi keutamaan utk dihisab dulu.and how now we do not practice what's the sunnah?still kita let go our emotion terbang2.ikut perasaan mati.
Filem Box-office di akhirat sana! Nantikan!
Jadilah orang yang tenang. ----------------- Happy birthday af. mmg adik kau lembab sikit nak absorb erti hidup sikit.
For all those times you stood by me For all the truth that you made me see For all the joy you brought to my life For all the wrong that you made right For every dream you made come true For all the love I found in you I'll be forever thankful baby You're the one who held me up Never let me fall You're the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly You touched my hand I could touch the sky I lost my faith, you gave it back to me You said no star was out of reach You stood by me and I stood tall I had your love I had it all I'm grateful for each day you gave me Maybe I don't know that much But I know this much is true I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me
You were always there for me The tender wind that carried me A light in the dark shining your love into my life You've been my inspiration Through the lies you were the truth My world is a better place because of you
You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me
You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me
I'm everything I am Because you loved me
----------------------------------------- Happy birthday 53th Mak! Daing Masita Daing Ibrahim. I'm so sorry for not able to pick up the phone...tgk2 msg maxis dah hantar nearly 50 missed call from mak...biasalah,inilah masalah tepon yg cikai..huhu.dahler smlm rupanya jam cikai aku pun taktau ape itu erti tahun lompat,aku dah siap call mak wish awal shari..cet!
Mak, i am sorry for not being such a perfect child. yg penuh emosh. terlalu jujur myatakan perasaan. dan sejak akhir2 khidupn yg sgt stress, dan when i hv to do something else until mak rasa mcm yah pentingkan benda lain pulak...I am so sorry. i really want to be anak yg solehah.tp i dunno lah, i am not perfect although trying too although i got a perfect mother...my mom is sooooooooooo strong.... i am so sorry if i ever did make u cried. (adalah,time aku hilang kat airport time kecik2 dulu).dan aku tau aku ni mmg nakal slalu nak ikut kepala otak sendiri.huuhuhuhu... i know u love me too...mak is always there for me no matter how i stumble n fall many times before.. ^_^At least i know, when the world falls apart, u r always there. (okay, lagu so7 just for my mom pun sgt sweet).
mak, i really want to grow strong like u. have strong faith to God. believe that God is always beside us. always smiling no matter what. never ever give up.
and i grew up being like iron lady (although aku tau aku sgt tak matured langsung!)..perempuan macho! hehe...u'r my inspiration....My world is a better place because of you.
waaa..tadi xm dapat kes epilepsy in pregnancy. giller ape, bulat mata aku dgn soalan, "okay, what's the mode of action for carbamazepine. n how does it affect to the ovulation cycle?".
lagi yg kelakar,aku terangkan laa that this pt practice coitus interupticus (erm, withdrawal of penis before the ejeculation of the sperm - ini tidak lucah okay!) for spacing the child.pastu boleh doktor tu ty aku, "is it difficult?".aku jawab laa"yep". "how do u know.u guess or u know?"..aku pun blank tak paham soalan dia...pastu dia boleh gelak kuat2 pastu ckp,"weih, u guess right? kalau tak, mnangis naqibah awak"..podah,sape habaq citer ni..
huhu,ky nk fly dah..aku dah sedih sebenarnya..td pun sempat lalu kejap je htr cd dia kat rumah ky.sayu giller..cukup2 edisi air mata buaya aku utk mak aku dulu....nnt aku hupdate citer with photo...
Gmbr kat Jogjakarta...dgn aff..naik kuda..haha..aku lah perempuan akhir zaman.pendekar sakti! Woah!
I really tak nak post new enry actually.tapi my phone yg takde cover tu akhirnya tak bfungi 'insert SIM'. jadi sape2 yang contact aku,please contact Azie or Nani (sbnye utk mak aku baca=p).org yg baiki handphone o2 aku pun dah bising2 siap marah2 aku nape aku tak collect lg..lack of time,money and kmahuan pun. i really like my handphone cikai nokia aku tu.aku leh baling eventhough bateri dia tcabut each time call.. ym aku pun dah bengong. jadi hantar email ajelah kat aku.
aku korek2 dalam laptop aku..jumpa zaman bila ntah aku karang. tapi aku rasa aku rindu utk merasa itu semua kembali. mungkin otak aku pun dah ada ttulis, "insert sim"
----------------------------
Aku ingin terbang tinggi Ke arah awan biru melanggit itu Lebih tinggi dari bangunan2 sombong itu Mahupun sang gunung ganang itu Langit yang tiada perlu tongkat
itulah memanggil aku ke mari.
Aku mahu lebih dari hidup ini Diatas normal batas-batas norma kehidupan manusia Yang dibelenggu oleh rutin kehidupan mengejar sesuatu yang rapuh dimamah nafsu
Dan dihimpit oleh kebosanan setiap hari Tanpa mencari tujuan kehidupan itu sendiri.
Aku ingin bercinta dengan pencinta agung itu Dimana tiada istilah cinta kecewa dalam diari hatiku Air mata yang ditangisi adalah air mata kesyukuran. Hati aku tidak layak untuk dirobek2 oleh insan2 itu Yang tidak pernah menghargai nilai erti cinta sebenar.
Aku ingin menulis bait2 puisi yang panjang Diserikan dengan keindahan bahasa yang mencengkam minda Tanpa menghiraukan perkataan keji di sekeliling aku Hanya aku berbicara tentang cinta aku dan DIA Kerana hanya DIA yang mampu titipkan sejuta perasaan
dalam jiwa aku, dalam naluri aku.
Aku hanya ingin sahaja DIA dalam kehidupan aku, Bangunku dan tidurku hanya memikirkan tentang DIA Setiap helaan nafasku adalah dihembuskan untuk DIA Setiap degupan jantungku adalah khas untuk DIA Setiap langkahku merupakan jalan menuju jalanNYA Kerana aku tahu, tiada siapa yang sesempurna DIA.
Cinta, cinta, cinta Apakah ada cinta sehebat ini? Rindu, rindu, rindu Apakah wujud rindu sedasyat ini?
-----------------------
aku nak xm next week. doakan aku weih!..aku bbual dgn Azma yang 1st time aku rasa aku mau quit medic..dia kata, "kau ni lembab laa..org lain dah lama rasa mcm tu". ceh!. org lain sejak dulu duk kata ksian kat mak ayah dia..tp mak ayah aku tak pernah paksa aku pun, skrg padan muka sendiri...
aku jumpa budak2 Medic Indonesia last week (wpun terpaksa rush balik dari kelas Dr R,terus naik train dari kajang ke KL..penat tahap king kong..dah lah ad-hoc giller, ye, aku laa manusia paling adhoc, last minute. tp aku rasa kerana sikap tuelah mgajar aku erti hidup pada mberi!, dan paling mcm kelakar giller, tetiba Dr Solomon tu ty aku: siapa wakil budak msia nk bagi speech..ceh,takde pun org bagitau aku kena siapkan presentation,hadiah apa2 pun..aku cuma sediakn tempat je! dan mmandangkan aku&rosma dan budak2 4th yr je ada, aku pun merepek dpn 57budak2 tersebut. rasa mcm buat psembahan kartun pun ada...nasiblaa. tue aah,aku tak suka sbnye sbb kkdg aku rasa mcm bsalah giller, i mean aku tak nak jadik pmimpin akhir zaman yg tak layak tp giller kuasa..i just want to be instrument of change. aku tak nak jadik org yang duduk diam bdiri. tap dlm masa sama, i know laa how aku tak layak etc.tp klau aku tak gerak,mcm semua org tak nak gerak langsung...aku bengang giller dgn org2 yg ada ilmu lebih dari aku tapi tak tampil..hampagas btul)..weih, semangat sih jumpa dorang. dorg ajak aku lepak Indonesia..siap laa kau.mmg aku mailaa! waaa..rindunya nak travel!
aku rasa aku kena belajar apa yang benar2 aku mahukan dalam hidup ini. aku rasa aku dah tau nape Allah kasik aku sesuatu yang orang lain takde dan Allah tak kasik sesuatu yang orang lain ada tapi aku takde. diantara kbolehan dan keinginan. dan tidak sekali2 utk aku persia2kan perasaan abnormal aku.
Lupakan sahaja tentang kesedihan yang bukan milik kita. Kenangkan irama gelak ketawa tanda jiwa bebas berlari. Moga-moga tuah senyuman itu kekal dalam nadi khidupan kita kerana hy kita sendiri yang boleh mnentukn arus nafas di setiap hari
ayuh.kita terbang... kita kasik Dr R&r nganga...satu hari nanti..pemenang lecturer yang plg bjaya merembeskan air mata kawan2 aku...sgt exegerated btul..takpe, aku tak nak jadik senior aku yg bhenti jadik salesman.dan aku tak nak jadik doktor nk terjun bagunan. aku nak jadik seperti abang2 kakak aku di Palestine, masih mbara walaupun apa2 pun terjadi...
Jika takut pada risiko, jangan bicara tentang perjuangan!
Lupakan sahaja tentang kesedihan yang bukan milik kita. Kenangkan irama gelak ketawa tanda jiwa bebas berlari. Moga-moga tuah senyuman itu kekal dalam nadi khidupan kita kerana hy kita sendiri yang boleh mnentukn arus nafas di setiap hari
ayuh.kita terbang... kita kasik Dr R&r nganga...satu hari nanti..pemenang lecturer yang plg bjaya merembeskan air mata kawan2 aku...sgt exegerated btul..takpe, aku tak nak jadik senior aku yg bhenti jadik salesman.dan aku tak nak jadik doktor nk terjun bagunan. aku nak jadik seperti abang2 kakak aku di Palestine, masih mbara walaupun apa2 pun terjadi...
Jika takut pada risiko, jangan bicara tentang perjuangan!
Allahumma Ya Allah, Ya Rahman Ya Rahim… Redhailah kami Yang berada dalam naungan perjuangan-Mu ini Terimalah amal ibadah kami Jadikan langkah-langkah yang kami lakukan ini Kau redhai Jadikan usaha-usaha kami Kau redhai
Allahumma Ya Allah Ya Salam... Berikan berkah pada perjuangan ini Agar sentiasa mendapatkan hidayah dan inayah-Mu Sentiasa hidup di dalam iman Sentiasa hidup di dalam Iislam Sentiasa hidup di dalam ihsan
Ya Allah Ya Hadi... Bimbinglah kami Agar mampu menjaga amanah-Mu yang mulia ini Hindarkan kami dari fitnah HIndarkan kami dari cobaan-cobaan Yang tak mampu kami tanggung Hindarkan kami dari beban Yang kami tak mampu pikul
Ya Allah Ya Barr... Nabi Muhammad-Mu berkata :Ikuti jejakku 13 tahun ia berjuangan di Kota Mekah Menghadapi kaum Quraisy 10 tahun ia berjuangan di Madinah Melewati masa-masa yang berat dan penuh tantangan
Ya Allah... Ya Qayyum... Beri kami kekuatan mengikuti ajakannya Beri kami kemampuan mengikuti jejaknya Baru sedikit waktu kami dalam berjuang Namun terasa berat perjuangan ini
Ya Allah ...Ya Muhaimin... Baru sedikit langkah kami Namun terasa panjang perjalanan ini Air mata bercucuran mengingat semua ini Kami memohon perlindungan dan kekuatan ya Rahim Salawat dan salam Untuk nabi Muhammad SAW
Ya Allah...Ya Sami’...Ya Mujib... Kabulkan doa kami Ajarkan kami ridha dan ikhlas Jadikan hati kami hanya dipenuhi cintu kepada-Mu Mencari kurnia-Mu mencari rahmat-Mu
Allahumma Ya Allah Esok hari kami akan berjuang kembali Menang dan Kalah bukan urusan kami Kami akan melangkah Ya Allah Jangan Engkau goyahkan hati ini Jangan Engkau cabut iman ini Jangan Engkau cabut keyakinan ini
Ya Allah...Ya Mukmin... Tambahkan keimanan di hati kami Tambahkan keyakinan di hati kami Ya Allah Teguhkan hati kami Kukuhkan diri kami Agar kami mampu tegak berdiri dengan gagah Membawa panji-panji-Mu
Ya Allah..Ya Samad... Lindungi kami dengan Nur-Mu Di depan dan belakang kami Di atas dan bawah kami Di kiri dan kanan kami Berikan kami cahaya Ya Allah
Ya Allah..Ya Muakhir… Kami tidak tahu akan berapa lama lagi kami berjuang Kerana Engkau akan mematikan kami dengan tiba-tiba Tanpa kami ketahui
Ya Allah....Ya Muhyi...Ya Mumit... Apabila Engkau matikan kami esok Matikan kami dalam husnul khatimah Apabila Englau matikan kami tahun depan Maka matikan kami dengan rasa rindu pada-Mu
Ya Allah…Ya Sabur… Datangkanlah Orang-orang yang akan melanjutkan perjuangan ini Orang yang tawadhu Orang-orang yang ikhlas Orang-orang yang telah diberi ilmu oleh-Mu
Ya Allah...Ya Baqi... Kami hanya mempunyai waktu yang sedikit lagi Di muka bumi ini Mungkin tidak sepuluh tahun Atau bahkan kurang dari satu tahun Tapi kami minta ya Rahman Agar sisa hidup yang Engkau berikan pada kami Menjadi amal ibadah Untuk memuliakan Engkau Ya Allah Untuk mengabdikan diri pada Engkau Untuk mengagungkan Nabi Muhammad-Mu Untuk mengagungkan para rasul-Mu
Ya Allah berikan kami Iman yang teguh Islam yang kaffah Ihsan yang Kaffah
Duhai Allah...Ya Malik... Wajid... Kabulkan doa dan permintaan kami Sesungguhnya kami hanya boleh berdoa Kerana kami tak memiliki apa-apa
Ya Allah.. Ya al-Warith... Jadikan kami Generasi membanggakan Nabi Muhammad kekasihMu Siramilah seluruh persada negara kami yang tercinta ini Dengan kalimah La Ilah IllalLah Tanamlah bibit-bibit cinta kepada nabi Mu Tanamkan lah kalimah tauhid di seluruh pelusuk Malaysia ini Di setiap titik Di setiap penjuru
Tidak ada satu tempat pun kecuali La Ilah IllalLah Penuhi dada kami dengan keyakinan Kami ingin memiliki satu keyakinan Seperti keyakinan nabi Musa Yang tersungkur di bukit Thursina Seperti keyakinan Nabi Ibrahim Ketika melihat burung yang telah tercincang Bersatu dan terbang kembali Seperti keyakinan nabi Muhammad Yang tersungkur di gua Hira Ketika malaikat Jibril berkata : Iqra’!
Ya Allah...Ya Hafiz... Tanamkan keyakinan bulat di dada kami Keyakinan yang lebih kukuh Hingga bila kaki kami patah Kepala Kami pecah Mata kami hancur Tulang-tulang kami remuk Semuanya lebur Jangan Kau hapuskan keyakinan di dalam diri kami Keyakinan untuk mengagungkan Engkau...Rabbal ’Alamin
Raja langit dan bumi... Perjuangan ini bukan perjuangan peribadi Karena kami tidak punya kepentingan peribadi Perjuangan ini bukan kehendak kami Kerana kami tak punya kehendak apa-apa di muka bumi ini Perjuangan ini adalah kehendak-Mu Kerana semua kehendak kemuliaan adalah milik-Mu
Ya Nur ...Ya Matin... Oleh kerana itu kami mohon Warisi cahaya keyakinan di dalam hati kami Cahaya yang gemerlap Cahaya yang kemilau Cahaya yang datang Kemudian masuk ke dalam rongga dada Cahaya yang akan bersinar di hati kami Cahaya yang akan hidup di dalam diri kami Cahaya yang akan membimbing kami Dalam perjuangan ini Akan kami ambil tongkat Yang apabila dipukulkan akan memancarkan 12 mata air Itulah tongkat Musa
Ya Qawiyyu... Jangan biarkan rasa sakit melemahkan kami Jangan biarkan kepedihan menghalang kami Jangan biarkan apapun menghentikan langkah kami
Ya Ghafur...Ya ’Affuw... Ampuni kami Kami tak mampu menjaga Anak-anak dan keluarga kami daripada segala hambatan keduniaan ini Apabila kami pergi mengadap-Mu Namun...apabila kami mati Kami tidak akan pernah menyesal Bahawa kami pernah hidup Dengan waktu-waktu yang telah kami lalui... Kami yakin kami akan beristirihat selamanya... Kerana sudah menyahut seruan jihad-Mu
Ya Awwal ...Ya Akhir...Ya Muqaddim... Kami ingin berjumpa dengan para nabi dan rasul Para malaikat dan bidadari Dan berjumpa dengan Engkau Ya Allah Inilah cita-cita kami Inilah keinginan kami yang membara.... Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin
~cilok from kak yaqeen~ Okay, i was so damn stressed out like i was never ever been so stressful in my life before...huhu,mak pun dah risau giller.she thought i was so sad for some sort of reason which is NOT.hehe,jgn risaulah mak..ni multifactorial py sebab. few things which is i really dunt know how to explain...i felt like the world is so against me. at last aku rasa aku mahu hidup dgn tenang dan redha thdpNya..sayang mak! hehe... agaknya ni lah sebab Allah kasik yah rasa gelak tawa wpun dunia rasa nak pecah.well,org plg happy adalah org plg sedih..tu mcm bipolar defination je. aku actually bosan dgn soalan2 org ; kiah, are u okay?. i dunno,cuma aku rasa mcm mybe stressd out for balik nearly pukul 6 dan tak dapat jogging =( (jog=hilang stress).dan sekarang, i hv amek makann kgembiraan, choki-choki atau aiskrim coklat. n it's equal to kgemukn.
i couldnt denied how 5th may is soo around the corner n does making my life so miserable.mana taknya,asek kena jerit, "hey,u r going to graduated this may but u still dunno???". but what the heck, h/o kat h.kajang bisik kat aku and kept saying dont ever lose faith. ada sorang akak h/o ni lagi kelakar,dia asek ty aku je,nape aku amek medic in the 1st place.and for the 1st time in 5years of torture, i said..ntahlah kak,rasa mcm mnyesal. i mean,tau tak baik myesal pada benda yg tak boleh nk ubah. tp medic is not meant for someone like me.,which is so NOT serius,HATE to study, Sleepy during class, lazy tahap ape ntah..ada kwn aku yg dah repeat 2thn tp still masih tak pernah down, ckp ngn aku,"zek,kau ni..kena marah sikit..dah lemah smgt..jgn putus asa..baca yassin tiap2 malam,solat hajat tiap2 malam.." Prof latif pun kasik motivation kat aku supaya berserah pada Allah (ok,aku jeles giller dgn prof latif, dia tu pandai tahap king kong,dan still able to aktif!)..herm,t'ingat pada kata2 Dr. tuty..dia cerita pasal sahabat pada Hassan Al-banna (uh-i dunt remember the name),yg si dia tu tak nak masuk tentera sbb dia rabun..pastu Hassan albanna ckp,"masuklah pada tentera. kerana jgn btawakal pada matamu,tapi BERTAWAKAL pada Allah".n he managed to be best student bila dia masuk tentera tu.
i was like-so-meremang bulu roma. i mean, utk org yg lmbt giller nk blajar mbaca (9thn br tau mbaca-huhu,dulu masa darjah 3 n below, aku rasa aku slalu dpt top5 dari belakang dulu laa,after darjah 4,br le merasa naik pentas amek hadiah..-aku rasa aku tak pernah tau mbaca bfore that!sbb masa adik aku darjah 1,dia dah boleh bc intisari,aku mcm woah!hebat giller!),dan rabun tahap king kong dan sememangnya aku malas giller nk bc,fokus aku senang nak lari..i hate reading. i hate kena marah. benda2 yg tak sepatutnya budak medic ada. and i really dunt like being a failure (nauzubillah min zalik!).
but it's not like end of the world.aku di malaysia duk risau pasal exam,not able to buy new dazzling cloth,still kena ejek comot, dan pakai semua benda2 murah like handphone godzilla, selipar rm10, tudung dah bbulu sejak matrik, baju sejak form4. not being able to be good skema student and often asek tongue-tied n still having so much difficulty in reading, siap kwn aku kata pincer grip aku pun tak develop!kurang asam btul!. n ada one guy classmate aku mcm sgt kurang ajar mgata aku gak directly,tp mcm biasa aku buat2 tak dengar aje. i dunno np aku ni sgt ejekable. mmg btul org yg selalu ketawa ni sng diejek2kn/drendah2kn. tp nk wat mcne,aku mmg suka ketawa tak kira ape jua keadaan.tak kan aku nk jadik serius pak belalang pulak sedangkan hati aku mahu mlompat2?
community of ejek-mgejek yg sgt dasyat surely make my life so miserable in the end although i really wanted to perceived it as komen mbina.aku still perang dingin dgn kwn baik aku.sbb mulut dia mmg myakitkan hati until i dunno how to forgive her without her come to me and berdamai. aku mmg kuat merajuk.,tp mudah giller dipujuk. i seldom hate ppl, but now i really cant stand her ksombongn. i mean,aku tau laa aku tak perfect.seriusly.but i did all the best i could.tp dia still boleh htr msg like "u nvr learn from ur mistake". it hurted me so deeply.yes, as far as i'm concernd, at least i am not such a coward like u,yg mana semua benda kau tak nak amek tjawab.dan at least i alwys (actually hv to) to see the glass is half full of the water.smp kkdg,even ada stitik air pun,aku still kena nmpk tue.sbb my life is never perfect.and mmg smp aku rasa sgt low giller2..but then,biarlah dia tu.kalau dia rasa aku ni mmg sahabat drive thru,pergilah tinggalkn aku.teruskn dgn ego tu.sbb aku rasa hati aku dah cukup bkecai sbb aku cukup syg giller.i would walk a thousad mile just to make her day,tp still dia lyn aku mcm dirt.i dont need someone yg myakitkn hati aku berkali2. and currently also, perang dingin dgn some1 who i really cannot understand well. it hurtd me. i dunt like bgaduh2. knapa org tak nak bsikap adil?
there goes again. zakiah pikir hal2 yg kecik kementot. sedangkan my siblings kat Gaza strugling to breath for another day, my cousins kat Somalia and Darful dying for food, my relatives living in acheh is praying non-stop for the earth stop to shake, my family in united state hoping so much for light of Islam to come to enlightn their heart. i dont want to be such a chicken. Kalau nak org stop kritik kita, dunt do anything.
nway,malam ni biasalah kputusan pilihanraya 12.uh-oh, i didnt make it to vote sbb transport.i mean kesian giller laa kalau mak aku dari subang nak amek aku kat serdang then p damansara.jauh!stakat ni time aku lepak bilik fana,anis&sarah,nmpknya barisan alternatif mmg ada harapan cerah.alhamdulillah.aku tak pakar dalam politik,tp sbagai manusia,aku mahukan keadilan dlm semua benda.wpun mcm ada suara2 yg kata,"eh,parti pbangkang tak tau mcne dia pimpin",tp aku rasa let give them the chance,at least half-half.. wpun still BN menang majoriti mudah,tp BA dapat tawan 3negeri.still kelantan,penang, selangor..kedah pun kan? dan juga perak? kl? mantap giller DAP kali ni.mcm tak pcaya gak.. woah...seriusly,rakyat benci korupsi..benci skandal letup2..benci pada pnipuan..rather repeat the same old story bout corruption-bla-bla-bla, baik jadik org yg jujur.
i really adore dato' anwar ibrahim's family. they never give up. no matter how their life hv been so upside down since anwar kena fitnah mcm ntah-apentah. i really adore their spirit. they never never never never give up. woah. mmg btul. orang yg ikhlas bjuang kerana Allah dan berani tak akan skali2 mgaku kalah! ingat tu kiah!
owh, gud luck to all my ukm friends-wani bear,wani golok,shawn,kucah,awie,sainira, dan sape2 yg aku tak dpt recall nama dorg...huhu.aku dgr citer si awie kena admitted to ward due to active tb.sian giller dia..i hope she's getting well soon! dan heard also af's friend, si mar dah dapat 2 anak kembar laki,tp kesian gak.sbb hv to deliverd 28weeks of poa.dan sorg dah mninggal.aff citer mcm ada kes twins transfussion syndrome aje...i hope they all are well too..
best giller.i think i really like my balik pulau's friends. spjg aku kawan dgn dorg,tak pernah pulak aku gaduh besau ke ape.yg plg best,kalau mrajuk,dorg pun pujuk -haha, aku mmg gedik! nizek came to my hostel.tmrw ada wedding apit kat teluk panglima garang.by tmrw konvoi sekali dgn shiha,nina,meha&nizek. hari ni wedding apit.tp due to i really want to glue myself kat table.so hv to say no-no.anak maklong aku kat singapore pun kawen...namanya Aidil kut..huhu-met him twice only..abang kak riza. Nal je wakil kat sana....mak aku pun tadi duk asek ajak aku balik rumah,tp aku ckp takleh.sbb aku nk study.huhu.yeay,dah beli jam baru!at last yg sgt murah..aku gumbira sbb dia kasik warranty bateri until 5 years.okay,aku tak dpt jam baby g sbb tak cantik design,dan tak dpt beli jam tissot sbb mahal giller.tp belasah aje,at least tali jam tu kalau nk ganti rm38 (kena ty,sbb reccurent history of putus tali jam eventhough kain atau besi!).si mak,et&aff pening kpala sbb aku duk survey jam for last 2weeks.mmilih giller.
next week ada prgm ppim, aku htr 6 junior kaliber aku. si izny ajak aku tgk orchestra kat klcc-dan aku mcm giller excited seh! huhu,dan juga mjls ppisah kyaqeen sbb dia dah nk fly terbang ke holand 22th of march. mcm sedey giller she's going there.sbb dia tu mcm rock sikit.tak skema (atau mcm si nad cakap: kami2 mmg akan mgubah dari yg skema shingga mjadi tak berapa skema!)..okay. kitaorg mmg nakal giller. tp mcm sedey gak la kali ni sbb ni je yg mcm agak kekal lama sikit bbdg yg sblm2 nie. kut2 sbb kakyaqeen dpt tahan peel kitaorg kut. hehehe...
Hoho-regardless anything dat happend in my life. aku tetap mahu mjadi orang yang setia.pada cahaya di atas cahaya. simply reason, hati aku terlalu rindu.dan sperti disiat2 jika aku bhenti mcari .dan aku tetap mahu setia.dan biarlah aku tetap merasa siat2 tu,utk aku tjaga dari mimpi.
pjgnya aku tulis kali ni..nway, until aku habes xm by May, aku akan stop blogging insyallah...karang tak abes2 adicted aku ni..hehehe..sgt janji manis sprt politicion!
Aku & fieza...jln2 di trolak buat perangai
pyebab orang sakit belakang!! berhati2..dia mampu mbuat anda sakit!!
