Takziah

Al-fatihah to my community follow up patient.

She had passed away 29th January at HKL. Just 1-2 hours after azie and i visited her. it was sad to see her in that way with her right and left dorsum of hand were inserted with canula. She was wearing O2 mask and she could not even speak as she was in respiratory distress, tachycardia. She was so cachexic and very ill-toxic looking. I know she appreciated us for coming. Her husband was the one who sms me that she's nazak and he also had to take care of their son which was in Paeds Institute which was quite far from Nephro ward.

To me, she was not just a patient to me. I had been following her up since 14 weeks ago when she was in the gynaecology ward. She had multiple terminal illness and on palliative care. She had HIV +ve, cervical carcinoma, bilateral uropathy, chronic renal failure. deep vein trombosis and multiple skin infection. It's one of the most complicated case for community follow up.

Psychologically, she was affected much. She had multiple disease. Even if u guys has (common cold) coryza, u guys started to think, "why me?". Although i know she was trying so hard so she could be cheerful and happy when i came to her house, deep down i know she suffered very much.

She had 4 children and two of them had HIV +ve. Her 1st husband and her oldest child died due to HIV +ve 6 years ago. Her family was distorted until i had to hold my jaw not to be open all the time. Her parents were separated since she was small. She had to end up living in different place. Her 1st husband was intravenous drug user and she also had multiple sexual partner. Now she had 2nd marriage and the 2nd husband was also HIV +ve. Some of her family disowned her.

She did not give up. She didnt stab her wrist to end her life. She know she had to go on although maybe there's a little voice inside of her asked her to leave this world. After she knew that she had HIV +ve, slowly she joined MAC (malaysia Aids Council) as volunteer as she knew how hard being HIV +ve. It was never easy. She's also a volunteer in rumah Solehah and MAKNA. it was never easy indeed.

Maybe some of u may think, "owh, it was her fault! or it was akibat dosa masa lampau". but it not fair to judge person by their sinful act. we are not God, or even the angels who write her good and bad deeds. Do not so judgemental as she had suffered a lot in her life. She could not turn back time even a second. all she had to do was keep on living. She may had done lots of wrong things in her life, but she had enough. Often we forget that we all need advice and nasihat from each other. The reminder is important but not the abusive words to make other to feel down!

Doctors and medical team should acknowledge themselves how important to implant the morality issue among the patients..the community these day did sometimes leave me into deep depression. Hello, arent u guys realized yet? we havent practice amal ma'aruf,nahi mungkar much as we should do! Yeah, we should work very damn hard, harder to gain Allah's love. harder that the hardworking damn satan! Dont be judgemental but in the same time, lend the helping hand and positive mind to build a good community together.

I dont want to be emotional too much. She became my friends when we used to sms each other just to know her condition and progression. sometimes, it just broke my heart just to know she became worsen each day.However i could not help from smiling when she mentioned that it was Allah's plan which was the best plan ever.

She had affected my life so much.
I hope u guys are affected too...

May Allah blessed her soul. Amin!

p/s: take part in volunteering in MAC, MAKNA....u know u can make a different!