coping mechanism

I may looked happy all the time. But do you know that the happiest person in this world might be the saddest person in this world? whatever. I just dont like people to assume me this-that. It's not fair. And I dont like it.

Dear miss perfectionist, I hate to admit that I dont meet other's expectation because I just dont give a damn whatever they want to think about me. Not that I dont try to work it out. I'm doing the very best of me. Maybe I dont have much talent like u. But I dont care. I'm self-sufficence, i got my life to take care of.Kelam-kabut, U might call me...yeah, whatever. Mind u, I dont like to be compared because it's not fair. we dont have the same capability and background. So, buzz off!

Ok, I'm slightly depressed. But I guess my coping mechanism is working so damn well. Maybe i'm a little bit nut sometimes. My primary defense mechanisms are humour (i deals it by emphasize the amusing or ironic aspect of the stressor) and acting out. I wished i could use altrusim as the defense mechanism for the benefits all the people. One of my way to destroy my anger and hate toward someone is given him/her something. I realized after that, I became so damn happy. Sometimes i could, sometimes I couldnt. But then again and again......

Without the love of the GOD, i would be nothing.

And the best part of my life; I had noticed this love.

Thanks Allah. Alhamdulillah.

p/s: My bro's band - Tulang - I dont mind what's he doing with his life, but I prayed so much he's doing well in Allah's way....Amin-i think it's nice..because it make my mum sang 'darah' song happily when she was trying to wake us up for subuh prayer...hey shen, he's my only big brother, of course I do really care about him. Most of my friends thought my bro doing nasyid but he's not. Since we were small, my father loves to play deep purple and rainbow untul now. Satu family rock. Keluarga batu in malay.

However, i'm glad my bro didnt do the jiwang2 things- Except for hani-which my bro kept saying that he got the idea when my father wanted to pujuk my mom. Syorga-very sad song about a single father felt great loss after his daughter die. Good for him.he have few friends who always remind him not to be girl-centered although some of music company didnt want to buy their album because of that.they said"tak laku laa kalau takde cinta meleleh"...vote for my bro at www.xfresh.com in malaysia's indie(promtote..promote!!)....my bro had created many songs to be produce but the problem is there's no producer...sape nak lagu macam nie? Tp aku sangat hargainya. mAksud aku, abg aku minat rock-tapi tak suka buat lirik sampah- romizi suka berus abag aku,jgn lupa tujuan asal kehidupan...walaupun abg aku nampak macam tak layan tapi abg aku terus reka lagu jihad lepas diberus. So, it gave me motivation...never never never give up!

Well, i think i like the lyrics:

Tulang's darah

Lagu & Lirik : Z Zulia

Jauhnya perjalanan
Umpama satu mimpi
Mimpi yang panjang bagai satu
Realiti kehidupan
Kejutkan ku dari tidurku
Kejutkanlah aku kawan

Bangunlah
Bangkitlah dari mimpi
Yang tidak pasti
Buangkan ia

Pandanglah
Lihatlah ke hadapan
Masa depanmu
Anugerah-Nya

Selagi ada darah
Mengalir di dadaku
Selagi adanya sinaran
Matahari di hari-Nya
Takkan kulena disiang hari
Aku ingin hidup sebelum ku mati

Segala persoalan
Tersiratnya jawapan
Ku pasti kita akan temuinya
Ku pasti kita akan temui segala jawapannya
Percayalah

Hamka's writting -I thought I had the same way of thinking like him but i'm not. He's way to much superb. It's nice.

Owh, by the way, i'm very bad english user-please dont mind my grammer. Owh,yes,aku dalam baiki diri aku-tapi aku tetap melayu,hidung aku tetap kemek macam bunga, kulitku tetap hitam coklat. I talked bugis in my dreams. I'm a competent malay spoken which i got B in PMR.