23 years of love

Jabal rahmah : hehe.it was 3 years ago.this is where adam met Hawa back,rite? wink wink ^_^..haha..u know what i mean!

I'm offically 23 years old kiddo. 6september 1984.

yet most of the makcik2 whom i met in the market would ask me, "dah ready ke nak ambil SPM thn ni?" (instead of macam mana keja skrang or bila nak grad?) as my face is so 'virgin' without any make up with my selekeh cody dresscode. Maybe they thought i'm just some overweight 18yrs old kiddo. or perhaps i got these naughty and bored student in my face kot. hahaha.

As usual, this is the month every year where i feel the urge to make change me into better person. I really want to be better if not the best. I want to be the best if not great! most of all, i want to be a responsible person if not perfect!

After looking back my precious 23 years of my life, i think it was abundance of love. It's a perfect life who made me became very different people today, Alhamdulillah. seriously, how could i for more? My mom loves me with tender and she's always besides me. I got my father who often support me endlessly. I got my siblings, af my sister which is my another part of lost brain cell, nanai for being the honest,genius and crazy brother. my lovely hugable zetty sofia sister. Yiz being the macho man in the family and quite kelakar actually and not to forget my humble eldest sister, kakgee..

I got long long long long long long long list of my friends since my primary school until now who i could not affort to delete it in my brain. Not to mentioned those people who love me and how I loves them although we met only once for only couple of days in our lifetime. they stayed in my heart. God! no wonder i am soo damn heavy because of they live in my heart!!

I've decided to stick with love as hate is too great a burden to bear. Love all, trust a few and do wrong to none. These are the words of wisdom that i read it repeatly so i could digest well in my rusty brain. Love is definately not for the sloppy and cayang-cayang awak actually as it had been planted in our head since young. But somehow, I dunno... I think Allah had provided me with abundance of love to be share with people out there. I mean.. alhamdulillah my love to my family was endlessly. or even to my friends and society.. I cant denied how they had occupy my heart in every single day.

Obviously, my mom (and also my makcik2,atuk) ask me about my another half after my sister got enganged last August and she mentioned she give me the green light whenever i am ready (as far as I concern, most of my friends havent got this chance!). As i am being happily single alhamdulillah, I think this is just another joke that they love to tease me to make me blush. I just reply that i really want to graduate by next year and keep improving myself for the time being. no time to think about it yet kot... marriage is something that I will let Allah decide. I mean, how could i take care of someone else when i could not even to just stop some of my stupid attitude like mgumpat? I really did not think that i should find people,in fact, I think the most important thing is to keep improving ourselves day by day!

At last, after talking with my sister, Afzan after sending her fiancee Khalis to KLIA. I realized how should i let 3% of my heart go since 5 years ago. the 3% is just a lame crancky rusty stupid crush after all! Sometime, i had to admit how ugly do i feel as people just cant see my little and rare inner beauty just because all they see is my lemak, my dull face,my too-funny-for-a-sopan-girl, my ugly betty, cemerkap and the list goes on. Well, I realized that some people just cant see u because ur name just isnt there in their heart. OR because they just refused to write it and that's the main reason why they cant see u! Yeah, Allah provides. I will let HIM decide! HE really knows the best. and i know it's time to let it go for good after i realized that it's not meant for me in the first place!

To be honest, i really tabik spring toing-toing Af & khalis. because of their braveness to make each other as their companion in heaven. I know how hard they tried to make all of these happened. Most of the parents want their children to excel in their study and work, but how many of the parents would think about their children would survive in name of love?

I know how people often told me how ridiculous marriage without love. But then, how well do these husband & wive know each other even after their 15th wedding anniversary? and i know few of my friends were successfully happily in their marriage just because they refused to commit sin before their marriage. I mean, i know how these community would like to label u 'gatal' and 'tak sabar2' but it's fitrah in every human being! Hey, makcik limah (not a real name), do u know where do ur anak dara goes while she's studying far far far far away from the house? Adultery is one of the biggest sin rather than divorce! Zina itu haram, cerai itu makruh.mana yang lebih besar? If too afraid to say, "aku terima nikah dot dot dot", why should u be brave enough to bring the anak dara here and there and knowing how Allah had mentioned it's illegal to do that! (bukan aku yg cakap.rujuk Al-quran)

Why not we celebrate love in the way Allah loves? semua nak pikir org cakap apa,orang nak rasa ape... abes tu, Allah macamane?

Anyhow....I know, i had left some of the organization for couple of months although the junior kept asking me. Yes, i felt so depressed since the I organized the last activity in March this year after I had been tested with weekly fever, no money at all (ada ke patut tak masuk biasiswa time tu), unwilling friends to help, kena marah with prof latif sbb tak perform and obviously kena marah with some people who just did not how to say thank u. That's the main reason why I think I need rest and give me time to be 'better' person'. I know how wrong to let it go for a while but i promised to myself to join again after i graduate. This is my final year and seriusly I need to buckle up my knowledge. I'm so bloody scared everyday counting my final professional exam days. I need to breath. I need to spend my time with my family. I need to improve myself in terms of learning and practising what i preach! I'm so sorry!But the real thing is I really love the volunteer job and i'm afraid that i really miss it actually. These are things that i would like to spend until the day I die.. I cant wait my revenge after i graduate next year!

eh.ape aku merepek semua perkara muhibah nie? huhu.oklah.i had to go.anyway, i just actually i want expressed how wonderful I feel lately after i realized that i just have to learn how to be thankful after 'disaster' happened in most of the chapter in my life. Alhamdulillah. tenkie veli d muchie everyone!

my wish for this year?
surely, to be better person. to be loveble and capable person!
most important: i just want to die in Allah's love. Husnul khatimah.
so, i must prepare lah myself to become one. Pray for me eh?