stupid

I have been following akademik fantasi season 5.. n this is the 1st time, i watch this AF thingy. Okay, at first i got hook up to that fever (& i understand well why some of people can get crazy) but until severe times in 2 weeks duration, i became bored. OMG, it's just like a long-long-long advertisement without we all realize. it's just sickening, as they got DEBATE about AF with ridiculous and totally absurd issue. i could not agreed more, the tv programmer is must be a genius for fooling people.

what change would do u good?

Definitely, escaping your work is a sin. if u havent realized it yet! (i'm talking about myself- for not going to full 8am-5pm elective posting- but well, even my lecturer mentioned that it's okay as long as the student just go for couple of hours in the hospital...korang nak aku buat ape? melangok aje kat wad? weih, rajin aaa to spend 4hours standing in the clinic every day..hahaha). If u are a student, it's a sinful act for not attending the class.

It's a responsibility that often we as a human forget. Me myself is not a good person. But at least. HOI, PEOPLE..BE ASHAMED FOR THE WRONG DOINGS THAT WE ALL MADE...

Arent we ashamed for simply leparking in the cc but missed the zuhr prayer (ehem, address to majority of these people in the cc) or upload those obscene picture showing the 'budaya kasih sayang' in the internet. stop that...this is sickening! You all knew that very well..if i hit u guys too hard, than u'll be babbling, moaning, cursing me for being so harsh. Stop that, u know it so well. u know how u want to change. u know in every time u go to sleep, u'll be thinking about it all over the time.

Owh...i don't want to sound like a counselor. but i assumed you guys and people around me are not stupid. Even those small kiddo also know which one is the good behaviour and which is not.

even the cat also know... kalau kucing tu diberi makanan, mesti makan manja2..tapi kalau kucing curi ikan, for sure that cat will be running like hell..

dont tell me, we are even more stupid (or stupidier -haha,no such word!) than a cat....

mereka itu

Aku ingin menulis. tentang seminggu aku di bandar JB. Tapi aku pikirkan, letih untuk aku menaipnya. aku ingin menulis kisah2 pesakit yang aku kira boleh dijadikan sesuatu untuk kau dan aku termenung panjang. tapi aku kira, mungkin kau pun dah letih mengeja, mungkin lain kali.

Hari isnin, aku sudah gatal keluar ke konvo utm skudai sampai sesat sejam semata2 ingin bertemu dengan wa. tapi sayang sekali, wa ada hal. maka, merepek dengan meha dan ja'a lagi sekali. tidak bosan. tak tau mengapa. dan kini aku berada dalam bilik meha pada hari Jumaat malam ini, merapu lagi kerana aku kepingin main badminton pada pagi sabtu. dan aku rancang utk ke rumah nadirah, klasmate aku yang accident minggu lepas. Aku dah lawat dia. Dua kali. tapi aku asyik terlupa nak bawa 'buah tangan' setiap kali aku datang, jadik aku mau qadho buah2 aku-hehe,takdelah..aku suka je lepak ngn dia. Nadirah tidak boleh jalan untuk seketika, tunggu healing process. guna wheelchair. Restrictive movement. 10minggu cuti,jadi dia tidak perlu buat elektif. Aku masih bersyukur kerana keadaan dia takdelah teruk sangat berbanding dengan keadaan kereta wira dia yang hancur.. entahlah, nadirah tu kawan baik aku. sedangkan patient yang aku tak kenal pun aku rasa macam dekat di hati,apantah lagi kawan baik aku?

Salah seorang kawan aku di utm telah disahkan ada barah otak di dalam kawasan infratentorial region (bahagian bawah otak). Sebenarnya aku tak pernah berbual panjang dia lagi. cuma tadi aku jenguk dia di bilik dia. Dia kawan baik kepada kawan baik aku. kawan baik risau. Keadaan dia semakin teruk. Barahnya makin membesar. menekan2 sistem saraf yang lain. Menekan optic nerve yang menyebabkan medial rectus mata kanan tidak berfungsi. DIa menjadi juling. Diplopia (nampak 2 bayangan), blurring of vision. Jalannya tidak stabil. kerana tumour itu menekan2 kawasan cerebellum. menjadi ataxia. jalan terhuyung hayang. cara jalannya berubah. pening kepalanya masih belum hilang.dan tak pernah hilang. Doktor di hospital hanya mampu mengeluarkan sedikit ketumbuhan kerana tumour itu 'terselirat' dengan sistem saraf lain. mungkin mengakibatkan gangguan pada sistem pernafasannya. Namun, dia datang balik ke hostel. untuk jumpa kawan2nya. dan dia masih berasa bersalah kerana tidak mampu menjadi seorang pelajar. Dia pandai. bakal seorang engineer tahun ini. kawan2 baik dia seramai 7orang datang tanya aku. aku serba salah. kerana prognosisnya tidak begitu baik mengikut kajian (aku buka website untuk check). apa yang kami ada? hanya doa mengiringinya.

Ayah kawan baik aku, pakcik Jusri terlantar di ICU hospital serdang. kerana meningitis dan brain infartion. Keadaan tenat. Sawan beberapa kali sebelum coma selama seminggu. Baru rabu lepas, kawan baik aku menelefon menyatakan ayahnya sudah separuh sedar. Alhamdulillah, harap keadaannya semakin baik. Ayahnya itu merupakan end stage renal failure (ESRF) disebabkan diabetic nephropathy. Aku kenal anak2nya. Baik didikan agamanya. tarbiyahnya cukup. Aku cukup kagum dengan kesabaran anak2nya.

Ayah aku sendiri sakit. tapi tak begitu severe. ada urinary tract stone. harapnya sudah resolved! begitu juga dengan ayah sheena, baru sahaja operation kerana obstructive jaundice kerana bile stone. Alhamdulillah, keadaannya semakin baik!

Argh, begitu banyak cerita. tentang penyakit. tentang sakit. tentang orang disekeliling orang yang sakit. Itu semua cerita tentang orang2 yang penting dalam hidup aku. itu baru dalam seminggu. Keadaan aku yang tiap2 hari mendengar 'keluhan utama' (chief complain) kadang2 mbuatkan aku berfikir panjang. Aku sihat. tapi masih ada yang yang aku keluhkan setiap hari.

Namun, aku bingung. terhadap sebilangan manusia. yang mahu menamatkan hidupnya. dengan minum clorax, telan penadol 30 biji, terjun bangunan hanya semata kerana putus cinta. Sedangkan ajal itu telah ditetapkan, tak mati punyalah walaupun ada cubaan untuk awalkan kematian. kang jadik sakit, menghabiskan beras je asik kena admit ke hospital. Sedangkan Halle berry (pelakon hollywood-kalau kau tak tengok 'barat') pun teringat pada ibunya pada saat dia nak bunuh diri dalam kereta. Halle Berry kata betapa selfish (jual ikan) orang2 yang bunuh diri kerana tidak ingat pada jasa ibu bapanya sejak kecil. Itu pemikiran orang non-muslim. yang muslim? sudah tak ingat Tuhan ke? nak ke kat akhirat nanti, asyik terasa seksa minum clorax berulang2 kali kerana saluran pemakanan menjadi sempit?

Elektif di hsa, jb. keadaan berbeza dengan hkl. hkl teratur walaupun selama ni aku ingatkan serabut. Mentaliti pesakit pun berbeza. tidak tahu keadaan mereka itu bahaya. Nampaknya, medical education di Malaysia memang tak cukup. Aku mahu salahkan orang hiburan yang tidak mengambil berat tentang pentingnya mereka ini dan aku mahu sepuk orang medical yang tak mau masuk dalam bidang hiburan. yang tinggal hanyalah akademik fantasia yang berdebar2 nak menyanyi.

Aku suka HSA. kerana berada di tepi laut. rasa macam kat long beach, Miami setiap kali aku memandu menyelusuri jalan di sepanjang pantai Lido. yang kurang kereta sport dan cermin mata hitam! Bangunannya sedikit menakutkan. warna merah. teringat aku pada cerita kingdom's hospital.

p/s: doakan mereka-mereka ini semuanya dibawah lindugan rahmat Allah!... selawatlah banyak2. Selamat hari malidur rasul.....

mode lagu:~i wish he was here, next to me....n i miss him, so desperately~(outlandish feat sammi yussof's i have seen)

circle of friends

Alhamdulillah. the exam is finally over yesterday and Dr.Feisel announced the result today. Alhamdulillah once again, i passed! (hoho,short essay marks managed to cover the my mcq (multiple choice question yg giller ada negative marking!..and apparently only 2 people out of 25 people managed to pass..definitely not me aah!) marks.

Next posting is elective posting. yeah,i wanted to go Jogya but couldnot make it due to some of the problem.the money-transport-my mum worried about the tsunami+earth quake+bla-bla...herm,well..what to do? sometimes, we planned very hard.very smart.but then again,Allah's plan is the best perhaps! I'll be heading to Hosp. Sultanah aminah, JB this sunday for the next 6 weeks.then at last,a month holiday after a year without a holiday break! (except for raya)

i'm going to be in fifth year next June! Alhamdulillah- yipee! at last..i couldnt believe that i havent fail for the last 4 years of suffering. Only 1 year left. in 2008, i'm going to be a hardworking doctor (owh-poyos!)...

Life is kinda sux.having unwilling friends to hear the problems that i had.i hate to go around and tell my problem. those people couldnt think how important them in my life.then left me alone saying, "u'r being so emosional". yes, I am sensitive when I stuck in the problem.just like human being... but i'm the one who willing to stay awake crying together whenever my friends insist..maybe i'm stupid.perhaps. but i know how hurt am i when i felt alone in this world.

life is suck.but life could not hurt me so much as i'm aware of the cruelity in this world. but what i hate the most when i just found out that i dont have good support circle. semua nak pikir masalah dorg.bila tiba masalah dorg,tau pulak nak datang. what? do they think my inner coping mechanism so powerful?

the circle of friends. how big is the circle? and how powerful is my circle?...yeah, it's funny. i could not find some comfort shoulder to cry on in the right time..iyelah,semua sibuk dengan pakwe masing2.pre-occupied with their boyfriend. small but very important circle with big radar.these kidda people often forget the people around them who need them more than they own boo...

i'm not complaining about being single. i like being single. no matter those mockering mouth said how 'tak laku', 'andartu' (hey,i'm only 23 y/o-deh!), 'sombong'-bla-bla-bla.. i got my family to take care of..and i got huge circle of friends who need me...although some of them might not b beside me when i need a pat behind me or hug to comfort me. they even did not want to lend their ears to let my emotion revealed itself. why dont these jerk stupid people just ask, how do i feel today?

perhaps i just dont need anyone else like everyone else? gosh- i wish i could be invicible no matter how people hurt my feeling. but then, i like being sensitive as i could detect the sadness in the people's eye (oho-suka ati aku aaa,aku dah rasa rendah diri-kasik grandiose sikit..hahaha)..

Outlandish- i only ask of God...

I only ask of God
He won't let me be indifferent to the suffering
That the very dried up death doesn't find me
Empty and without having given my everything

I only ask of God
He won't let me be indifferent to the wars
It is a big monster which treads hard
On the poor innocence of people
It is a big monster which treads hard
On the poor innocence of people

People...people, people

I only ask of God
He won't let me be indifferent to the injustice
That they do not slap my other cheek
After a claw has scratched my whole body

I only ask of God
He won't let me be indifferent to the wars
It is a big monster which treads hard
On the poor innocence of people
It is a big monster which treads hard
On the poor innocence of people

People...people...people

Solo le pido a Dios
Que la guerra no me sea indiferente
Es un monstro grande y pisa fuerte
Toda la pobre inocencia de la gente
Es un monstro grande y pisa fuerte
Toda la pobre inocencia de la gente

People...people...people

p/s: gambar hiasan. hidup mesti pandang hadapan. tapi tak salah pegang kenangan....iyelah,kalau tak takde pulak orang beli barang buat kenang-kenangan..haha